I won't give up
by samilu14
Summary: This is a story for my hottie Nick Amaro.It will have some bumps along the way.It is rated M for the future..
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Law and order is my first fanfic and be aware that English is not my mother tongue, so please bare with me. Thank you. Oh, and I love Nick Amaro...

I won't give up

Chapter 1- A night out

I was so excited for my friend Bobby, he worked so hard and he finally got the job he wanted at Special victims unit. He was on the force for about seven years, so it was a «tour the force» to get that promotion as fast as he did. But, then again, I always knew he was really talented at his job and he proved it one more time.

We were friends since I was three and he was six and we always got each other back…Except, when I pushed him away years ago…But, when he learned why he understood, I think, and he promised me he would never let me be get hurt again. I know he feels responsible but he shouldn't and I won't let him be my bodyguard 24/7. After all, he has his life to live and I want him to be happy, find a wife, have some kids of his own…The whole nine yards, he deserves it. In my heart, I believe he became a cop in part because of what happened to me and then, he discovered it was his true 's just a feeling though, he never told me that in so many words but we know each other so well that I can feel it. Now, becoming a detective at this squad is a dream come true for both of us. I know he will be able to do some good out there to these victims that don't always have a voice. Plus, the reputation of that gal, Olivia Benson, makes it attractive to , I have a feeling she could give my best friend a run for his money. We, women, like to let men prove themselves before giving them the green light. If this Olivia lives up to her reputation, Bobby will have to work harder than he ever did to meet her standard…I can't wait for that to happen!I'll be the first to admit, my Bobby can be so full of himself sometimes, so some humility will be good for my buddy.

Suddenly, my cell phone rings and I see my best friend's name on the screen. It's almost 10 o'clock at night and my kids are asleep so I rush to answer.

«Hello Bobby, you are calling late tonight.I thought you would be tired after your first week at work.»

«Bella Christina, how are you sweetheart?»

Hum…ok he sounds a bit tipsy..Where the hell is he?

«Well, Darling (sarcastic tone), I am reading a book while my children are sleeping and…»

«Can you come and pick me up?I don't think I can drive tonight…I just celebrated my …(background noise)…with my co-workers and…»

I cut him off because I know him and when he's like this, he can talk, talk, talk…

«Of course, Maria will look after the children. Give me the directions and I'll be there as soon as I can.»

I guess he will be crashing at my place like he often does…Not sleeping with me, but at my place. Some people don't understand how can a man and a woman can be best friends without crossing the line…Why do people think sex has to be involve in a relationship between a man and a woman? We just find it funny and we let these persons think what they want…After all, it's nobody's business wether we sleep together or not.

As I drive to the address Bobby gave me, I feel a certain tension because I will meet his co-workers. I wasn't expecting it and, frankly, tonight I would have prefer to stay at home…Ah, well when your friend needs you, sometimes, you do things just for them.I arrive at the pub where Bobby is at with his colleagues and I find a parking lot, wich is very difficult considering it's Friday and people are out in town …So, I walk over there and I find that it's nice Irish pub with a band playing a music I enjoy. I promise myself to come back another time. As I am looking around, someone comes behind and put his hands on my hips. I turn around, a bit startle when I realize it's Bobby who is laughing because he knew I don't to be touch like that…I Laugh too as I was preparing to scare away the jerk who made me jump…I can't be angry at him for playing a trick on me, we do it all the time.

«Chris, I want you to meet my fellow detectives at the svu.»

I make a face because I don't really feel like but, because he's my best pal, I follow him. As we walk over there, I see six pairs of eyes staring at us and I suddendly feels unconfortable.I have never like this kind of attention, the opposite of Bobby who likes to be front and center. I look around and my eyes meet the one of his colleagues, a really really handsome latino guy with the most amazing eyes I've seen in a long time. I am glad that the light is dark enough so he can't see me blush. I feel my cheeks on fire and my heart starts pumping a little bit too fast for my taste. What in the world is happening to me? I have not felt like this in a long time, not since…

«Chris, where are you darling?,» Bobby ask with a teasing tone.

«Well, sweetheart, you talk so much I almost felt asleep,» I tell him. Everyone laughs and I suddenly feel less tense. I am avoiding the hot guy's look as I am afraid he will see how unconfortable he makes me feel.

-«Chris, this is my boss Captain Cragen.»

-«Nice to meet you,» I reply.

The captain makes a small smile before he says : «Well, Roberto, you never mentioned you have such a nice girlfriend.» I must look horrified because Bobby starts laughing and nobody's understand why.

«Don't tell her that captain, she might bite.»

«Stop it, I have manners contrary to someone I know.» I turn around and says to his boss : «We are best buddies, but dating, nah, I would have to be really desesperate.»

A blond woman smiles and shakes my hand.

_ «I am glad a woman is not falling for Roberto,» she says. I am Amanda Rollins». I take her hand and smile back at ther. She seems nice and direct, wich I like very much.

«Ya, I know, Bobby thinks he's irresistable but I know better. In fact, we go way back when…»

«Chris, don't tell lies about how we met.»

«What lies? That you tried to make me eat sand and how you didn't succeed.»

«Ya, I still got a mark from the kick you gave me…»

An older man, a detective I suppose walks towards me with smirk on his looks amuse by this little banter.

«-It's nice to see another side of Bobby, he has been so serious on the job. Especially with the perp we catched .»

I must looks confused because he adds quickly : -«The man had rape his own daugthers and Bobby looked like he took it pretty hard.»

I glace fast at my friend and our eyes meet, we understand each other without saying a word. I regain my composure fast though.

«I know, this man can be passionate about his case but he should learn to let it go sometimes.»

«-You are right about that, »Olivia add before holding her hand to me. –«Nice meeting you,» she says.

I shake her hand and she smiles at me before adding

«So, you and Bobby met a long time ago?»

«Yes, we met when I was three, wich means we have know each other for a quarter of a century…»

«Wow, she goes, that's a long time.» SHe turns around and says to Bobby : «You didn't tell us that.»

Bobby replies :« Well, we haven't had time to discuss it this week but I'll tell you all about my dear friend and the things we did when we were younger…»He turns around to look at me with a smirk on his face. Gosh, he can be a real pain in the ass when he wants to.

The only one who hasn't talk to me is the cute guy, but I when I look up I catch him glaring intensly at , I think to myself, I have to look normal, just breethe, you can do this…My god, I feel like I am 15 and met my love Dany…It feels like a century even if it's been only 13 years..What's happening to me? I don't ever want to go that path again, not ever again. I must regain control of myself.

The man moves his hand towards me and says : - «Since Bobby won't introduce us, I will do it myself. I am Nick Amaro.» I take his hand, trying to appear in control but, instead, I know he thinks I am cold…A cold bitch. This is what happens when I don't want people to see through me…wich happens quite often.

«Nice meeting you Nick. » then, I turn around.

-«So Bobby, are you ready to go?» Nick is taken back because I greeted his co-workers much better than him but I can't help myself…If I don't get out of there fast, I won't be able to appear in control. I don't want him to see my cheeks go red. Bobby is not foul, oh no, he stares at me with a grin. I want to smack him but I can't because I know he will make a remark that will embarass me. So, instead, I bite my tongue and he follows me outside. We walk side by side without saying a word.

I am lost in my thoughts. For the love of me, I can't quite understand why this Nick Amaro had this effect on me…After all, there's a lot of cute guys in New York but something about him made me feel like a schoolgirl. I still imagine his beautiful eyes staring intensely at me, as if he were undressing me…I feel hot having these thoughts, I must regain some control over me. Bobby walks besides me without saying a word, he knows me and he wants to give me some space. But, after a few minutes he can't help himself.

-«You know, Nick is divorced, his wife left him to take a job in Washington.»

I glaced at him with a cold look (I hope).

-«And this would concern me how?», I ask.

-«Chris, I know Nick made some really good impression on you,» he says.

- «I can't deny he's handsome but you know I can't get involve with anyone.»

He turns around and he seems a bit angry.

-«You can't stay alone for the rest of your life, you're young and you know that Ra..».

I cut him off.

-«Stop it you know my reasons, there's plenty of people who choose not to be in a relationship. Plus, my children need me more than ever after what happened…»

I can't finish my sentence, emotions get the best of me even if I try to control them.

Bobby looks at me with a sad look and takes me into his strong arms. Suddenly, I feel a single tear going down my cheek. God I wish things were different…Bobby holds me tight and tells me everything is going to be fine. I want to believe him but I had my heart broke so often by those close to me that I am not sure if I can trust it. I don't want to wind up broken like when Danny left me…It still hurts so much…As my friend confort me, some images of this handsome Nick pops into my head…What am I going to do now?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Disclaimer :I do not own SVU or the characters.

The game

Bobby has been working at SVU for almost two months now and I think he is happy to make a difference in the victim's life. At the same time, some nights he comes to my place and I see the saddness in his eyes…Being a detective for this unit has it's burden and Olivia told me it's still hard for her sometimes. I told Bobby that the day he would not feel this burden, is the day he should change scenery because he would have become insensitive and he could not give what those people need from him.

During those two months, life has been really busy with my 4 children. I am so lucky I can afford a nanny, otherwise I would be running like crazy everyday. They are my blessing, my life…After Danny left, I had to be strong for them and I couldn't afford to break down even if I felt broken inside. It's been 2 years and a half and I can honestly say that I am just starting to regain a sense of normality without thinking about my love every second of everyday…Now, I only have my memories and I tell my children all about their father, especially my youngest one who never new her dad.

Bobby called yesterday if he could come to my place with his co-workers to watch Monday night football at my place. At first, I wouldn't budge but, in the end, he convinced me. So, I went to the grocery to pick up some beers and snacks for everyone.I hurry because they should arrive soon and I want everything to be ready. As I am multitasking doing the snacks, watching my children and my four dogs the bell ring. Before I can answer, Bobby comes in with Olivia, Amanda, Fin and Nick.

-«Hello, Chris, I hope we are not too soon,» he says just before my Hannah runs into his arms.

He takes her and she starts laughing. She is two and Bobby is the only father figure she ever had.

-«My god, you get bigger everytime I see you darling».

Amanda and Olivia smile at her and my baby puts her head down, holding Bobby so tight she could choke him.

«She is very shy,» I explain. «You have to give her time to get use to you.»

I feel Nick is staring at me intensely and I suddenly feel unconfortanble. Boy, his brown eyes makes me melt everytime.I try to turn my attention elsewhere and I call my other children to come greet our guests. They arrived running with our dogs and everything becomes chaotic for a moment there.

«And who are these beautiful children?,» Amanda asks.

My two daughters chuckle because she makes a funny face to them.

«This is Michael, my son, Daphné and Noemie» I reply. «They are nine, five and four.»

Daphné looks at Olivia, takes her hand and says :«I want to show you our room, you'll like our dolls.»

«Daphné, maybe Olivia doesn't want to play with dolls.» Olivia is smiling and she turns to me.

«That's fine, I always loved dolls , I want to see them, » she says looking down at my Daphné and Noémie. The three of them walk upstairs to see their room.

Fin is looking around and he looks stun to see my house…

«Wow, Bobby didn't tell house you have a mansion, not an ordinary house.» I am not surprised he didn't tell them, he doesn't want people to come to me because I have money this is his way of protecting me.

«Well, it's my husband who bought it ,» I reply.

Nick turns around and asks : «You have a husband? Can we meet him?». Maybe it's me, but I could swear he sounds a bit disapointed. I turn red and feel very unconfortable.

«He doesn't live here 's just my children and my dogs.»

«I am so sorry, I didn't mean to pry,» Nick reply.

Before I can answer, I hear my girls running around and they come to the kitchen with Olivia and Amanda. They are laughing and everyone seems in a good mood. My children are my whole life and I can't imagine a house without them making noise playing…I always wanted a family with the man I love and a big family…I have my children but, unfortunatly, no husband to share the family life with. As I look up, I see that Nick is about only a feet away from and I can not define the way he looks at me…Is it sadness? Or pity? I certainly don't want him to pity me, opens his mouth to say something and before he can, I hear screams coming from living room so I walk over there.

«Why the Qb made this pass, he should have known better, »Bobby says in a exasperate tone. I laugh and give him a beer I brought.

«Here are the beers and snacks, guys.»

Everyone plunge and I have to help my three girls make their plate, sit and eat their snacks. Hannah remains in Bobby'arms and is smiling at him. She looks like a little angel with her blue eyes and blond hair.A bit of sadness comes to me as I think on how much she is missing because she will never know her father…I was 2 months pregnant when Danny went away. I leave the room and go outside to let my dogs run around. It gives me time to regain some control as I don't want Bobby to see me like this. I hear foot steps and I turn around to tell my friend I am fine, that he can go back and watch his football game. I am surprise to see Nick standing a few feet from me, two beers in his hands. He gives me one and I take a sip. For a few minutes, we are not talking, we just watch my dogs playing, running and jumping , Nick clears his throat.

« Are you ok? I saw you leave…»

«Yes, I am fine but thank you for asking, » I tell him as I sit down on a sits besides me and I can only look at his hands as I feel this familiar fire inside me, it's burning inside my stomach and I don't want him to know the effect he has on me.

«I am gonna ask you something, but it's fine if you don't want to answer, just tell me it's not my buisiness. Where is your husband?». Now, I don't know what to say…I contemplate telling him to go to hell or I could just explain to Nick what happened. Will he pity me? As I look up, I see his beautiful brown eyes and I don't know why but I feel compelled to tell him the truth. After all, at some point, Bobby will certainly open his big mouth and tell his co-workers why there was no husband to be seen tonight. Suddenly, Nick makes a move to stand up and I tell him to wait and sit next to me again. He is so close that I feel his leg against mine..Ok, I need to focus on something else.

«Listen Nick, it's just something that is hard to talk about.»

«I understand if you don't want…». I cut him off.

«It's not that. I just don't want you to pity me or something like that. I am doing fine now, with my children.»As I look up, I see that he is staring at me intensly and my heart skip a beat or two. I have to see this through and then, we will return inside with the others where I won't be so absorb with his gaze…Not that he doesn't look good on the eyes, but he makes me feel things I don't want to.

«I won't pity you, you are not that kind of woman,» he tells me.

«Ok, well. I met my husband Danny when were about fourteen and I instantly felt in love with him, and he with me. But, my parents wouldn't let us be together so we had to hide.»

Nick seems a bit surprise.

«I know, it's young but in my heart I knew and he was the one and I was not wrong…He is the best man I have ever known, besides Bobby.» I add with a smile

«So what happened? He left you with four young children by yourself?,» Nick ask with a concern tone in his sweet voice.

«It's not like that, I am sure he would have done anything to stay with us…» I can't finish my sentence as emotions get the best of me. Nick glaces at me and, without warning, put his right arm around me. Gently, he rubs my back and I feel a little better. It's been so long since a man, except for my best friend Bobby, has shown tenderness towards me; it feels so good.

«He did leave us…»Nick cuts me off.

«How can a man do that to his family?»

«It's not what you think, he was killed in a car crashed when I was two months pregnant with Hannah.»

I feel a single tear going down my cheek. God I feel so weak and I don't like when people see me like this. Especially Nick…I don't why but I don't want him to this side of is still rubbing my back and I wonder what he thinks. Finally, he breaks the silence.

«I am so sorry, I didn't know. You and your children shouldn't have to go through this ordeal.» Then, without warning, he takes my left hand in his and kiss it. I am surprise and I can't stop staring at him. His lips are only a few inches from mine and I can feel his breath…He starts closing the gap between us…I jump and stand up. I can't kiss him, I am too scare, things are going too fast for me and I don't ever want to fall for a man…This is too painfull and I can't go through that again.

Nick stands up too and when he's about to say something Bobby opens the door.

«There you are you two. Nick, you're missing a great game.» Without looking at me, Nick reply :«We were just talking, i'm coming in a minute.» Bobby stares with a suspicious face and I understand I will have to answer to his questions later on…My friend sense something is going on; he would have to be blind to not feel the electricity in the air.

«Ya, we were just watching the dogs, I am coming. » I call my babies on four legs and turn around to go inside when Nick touch my arm.

«I didn't want to…I don't what I was thinking.»

«It's ok Nick, let's just forget about it. I have to go take care of my children and see if everyone is ok. »

Then, I walk as fast as I can, almost running, and go inside my house without looking back or answering Nick when he calls out for me.

It's been a week since Bobby and his co-workers were at my place to watch a football game and I can't stop thinking about what happened or did not happened with Nick…In my dreams, I feel his lips on mine in a passionate kiss and his hands on me…Then, I wake up in an empty bed and I feel sol ost and alone; it's almost like I am grieving my husband all over again. I think the problem is that I feel guilty because I am so attracted to Nick. IIn my mind, I am kind of cheating on my husband even though he is gone forever. Of course, Bobby wanted to know what happened and I had to tell him. He told me I was a coward and that I should listen to my heart…It's easier said than done. I know my friend is right but, at the same time, I am so scare to suffer again. Danny was a great husband and my whole life, I owe him everything I am today. The, he was taken from us when things started to get settle…Life can be so unfair! As I sitting down with my son to play a card game, the doorbell ring and he runs to open the door.

As I follow him, thinking it must Bobby who came to spend Saturday afternoon with us I am surprised to see Nick standing in the hallway.

«Hello Mickey,» he says «you were pretty fast ».

«Ya, I am a fast runner,»my son says.

Then, my sons says to me :«Can I go play a game on my X-boX?».I roll my eyes because I wanted to spend time with him and there he goes at the first excuse he gets.

«Of course, but you have to share with your sisters if they want to play with…»He is already off to his room before I cana dd something else.

Nick stands in front of me with a little smile and a bouquet of must see me raising my eyebrows because he gives the bouquet.

«These are for you, I wanted to apologize for last week, I know I was out of line.»

Gosh, can this man be more perfect? Once again, I am mesmorise by his eyes and he takes my breath away. This is so not good. Quickly, I regain my voice.

«Nick, you didn't have to, you did nothing wrong. It was all on me», I explain.«You want to come in?», I ask.

He enters and follow into the living room. I ask him if he wants a beer and he says yes so I go into the kitchen to get them. It gives me time to calm me down before coming back and sitting next to him on the sofa.

«Christine,…»

«PLease, everyone calls me Chris.» He smiles at me with marvelous lips …I wonder what they taste…

«Chris, last week I was out of line, I shouldn't have force you to talk about something that was obviously still very painfull for you.»

«Listen Nick, it's ok course, ti's painfull but at the same time, I can't got through without talking about my husband's death. It's just, you caught me by surprise.

Then I stare at his hands because his gaze is too intense for me.

«Are you sure, I can go if you want.»

«Please stay, the children will be happy to see you. The girls have talked about allo of you guys this week. It was good for them to see with who «uncle» Bobby works.»

He takes my hand in his and rubs it with his thumbs.

«Good,» he tells me because I would love to see them.

For the second time in two weeks, he takes my hands and kisses it. His lips are so soft…I can't stop my heartbeat from accelerating.

Tehn, I ask him to stay for dinner and he accepts with a big smile on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

I won't give up

**Disclaimer : I do not own Law and order SVU or any characters.**

**Since my mother tongue is French, I write the dialog with these signs «»…I'll try to find how to do it in English for next time. Also, I see that people are reading but I would love some feedback before posting another chapter- even though it is almost , I will wait for some review before posting it. Have a nice week end!**

Chapter 3

Since Nick came at my place and stayed with us for dinner, I can't help but wonder if something between us is possible or if I will jinx it because I am too afraid to be hurt for the hundred time…Life hasn't exactly been a walk in the park for me and I can't help myself to anticipate everything that can go wrong. Is it worth it? Should I stop things before anything serious happens? Do I really want or can I stay away form him? Like Bobby reminded me, the heart wants what the heart wants…and reason has little to do with it! As I arrived at the restaurant where I am meeting Bobby for dinner, my cellphone rings.

«Chris, where are you? Did you stood me up?» Bobby asks.

«I am coming through the entrance, you impatient man,» I reply with a laugh.

As I say that, i taph on his shoulder and he stand up to give me a big hug. He is really taller than me; I am 5 foot 6 and he is 6 foot 4…He is like a big papa bear hugging his is why I always felt safe when we were younger and he came to rescue me. As I sit down, the waitress arrives with two beers.

I smile at him and says : «You didn't loose time and you already order for the both of us.»

«I figure you would arrive eventually, bella Christina. Why were you late?»

«Well, you know how it is. It was busy with the children and I had to get them ready for dinner before I left and Rosa will take of them tonight.» We both take a sip and we don't talk for a few minutes. I sense that Bobby is restraining himself, but I don't what it is he wants to tell me. He makes some curious face and I know he jungles to what and how to tell me. Finally, he breaks the ackward silence.

«So, Bella I heard Nick came to your place a couple of weeks ago and …»

«Ah, ah, I knew it! You wanted to come here to talk about _him,_didn't you?».

He nods in agreement because he knows better than trying to lie to me.

«Listen Chris, Nick is really a good guy. His wife left him last year and he was heartbroken from what I've been told by Olivia. But, lately, everyone noticed how he seems happier. I think it has to do with you…»

«Bobby, you can't assume that, you don't know. Nick's good mood could be related to a million reasons.» .

As I say those words, we look at each other and we both know I am lying. I am just not ready to admit to anyone what feelings he has awaken in me. I am just too scare. Why do I have to be so complicated?

«Chris, I love you, you're my best friend, but why are you so complicated?».

I start laughing and Bobby stares at me with surprise, he doesn't understand what's happening.

«Oh Bobby, you know me so well. I was just thinking the exact same thing,» I tell him between laughs. He smiles at me and he laughs too.

«I know you've been hurt when Danny died, and before…But, you can't go through life being afraid to fall in love again. Danny would want you to be happy.»

«Ok, let's just not go too fast says anything about love? I am attracted to Nick but love…I don't think so mister!»

«Don't be angry at me, but I saw the same light in your eyes when you were talking to Nick that you had with Danny».

If he want to pisses me off, he is going the right way. How dare can he say that to me?

«No one, will ever take Danny's place in my heart. I became a woman and a mother with him. He made me whole. He healed my soul and my heart…». I can't finish, I can't speak anymore as I become too takes my hand in his in a effort to console me.

«Sweetheart, I know how much you loved him and what he met to you. I was there the whole time you know. But, he is gone and you are here. Nothing you can do about it. Life goes on and my advice to you is to grab it when you can.»

I look up and I wash the tears that have started to fall. I know he is right but life has been hard for me and I feel that maybe I don't deserve to be happy. Bad karma or something like it.

«I know you're right my friend but I am scared. Plus, a widow with four young children is a really big contract for any man…»

«Nick hasn't stop telling me how great your kids are, how he had a great time. The man has it bad for you. Don't let him slip away because you're scare Chris.» I smile and we continue to chit chat and have a nice dinner afterall. It's so great that I can count on my best friend to be there for me. We have been friends through thick and thin. He is there when I am sad, happy or need a reality check and vice versa. His friendship is very precious to me and nothing could ever come between us..Maybe, except, Alyssa…Nah, nothing.

As I leave in a cab after dinner, I think about what Bobby told me about Nick being interested…I can feel that this could go somewhere if I give this hot man a chance, but am I ready to do it?

The next morning, after I had breakfast with my children and drove my son to school, my phone rings. I look and it's from Bobby.I am really surprise because he is suppose to be at work and, usually, he doesn't have time to call me during his shift…I guess New York as a lot of sick people. I should know as I know a few of them.

«Hello Bobby, aren't you at work?» I ask.

«Yes, Chris. Listen, I have a really big favor to ask you. We have a rape victim, but she only speak French and we don't have a translater. No one is avalaible for hours…We can't wait that long. Could you come please?».

I am speachless. Of course I would do anything for my friend, but he must know how bad I will feel to do this. He must be really desperate but it doesn't make it any better for me. As French is my mother tongue, I guess I am qualified to help them…Oh man, I'll need a drink afterwards.

«Chris, are you still there? I 'll understand if it makes you feel unconfortable…»

«Ya, I 'm there and yes it makes me unconfortable but if you called me you must really help on this one…Oh and Bobby, don't say anything to anyone,» I reply.

«Good, I'll see you soon, then. And Chris….I owe you a big one.»

I hang up and I tell myself that I will hold him to that last part.

I arrive half an hour alter at the precint and sergent Munch is there to greet me.

«All you have to do is ask her the questions and tell us her answers. Nothing else.»

«I understand, » I say.

I must look a bit nervous because Nick put a conforting hand on my shoulder as a way to reassure me. God, his brown eyes make me melt everytime. I can't deny the attraction I feel towards him but now is not the moment to think about it. I smile shyly to him before entering the interrogation room. I know they will all watch by the glass window – Munch, Bobby,Olivia, and…Nick, of course. So, I put a mask on trying to appear calm even if my heart goes a hundred miles an hour. Amanda and Fin are with the victim. Gosh, she looks so young, about 15-16 years old. I remember those days clearly and I feel for her. She must be so scare right now. After all, she was raped and now she is surrounded by people who don't speak her language. I smile briefly at her as I sit.

**Outside the interrogation room**

Nick stares instensely at Chris sitting next to the victim. He can sense that something is going on because of how she behaves. It's not clear to him why but he has this feeling. It's like she forces herself not show any emotions, something you see in a victim…Could he be right? He has this sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He looks up at Roberto who looks tense, like he knows something. Suddenly, Chris moves closer to the girl and starts rubbing he back and telling her things that seems to console the girl who is crying.

Nick get next to Bobby because he wants to know…He hopes he is wrong but his gutt feeling is telling him otherwise.

« Bobby , what is going on? Is Chris alright? She seems pretty touch by what Leila is going through.»

Bobby doesn't answer immediatly. He turns around and something in his eyes tells Nick he might be right. He clears his throat.

«Chris is sensitive, she cares very much about others,» he trails off. He seems to want to tell more but he doesn't.

«Look man, I just want to understand what's going on. She's a very nice woman but she seems distant at times…Is it just my imagination?» Nick says.

Bobby jungles whether or not to tell the truth to Nick…Chris will be pissed at him for sure and his co-worker might want to run the other way…But, something tells him Nick is not the type to back off so easily and he deserves to know why Chris is so conflicted.

He starts talking, almost murmuring because he doesn't want Liv or Munch to hear what he has to say. Chris is a very private and proud person and she wouldn't appreciate to have her life heartache put on display for everyone to know.

«Look man, Chris had it really hard growing up…Her parents wouldn't exactly make the list as parents of the year.»

« Ok, I understand, but I mean what is going on in there? And don't tell me it's nothing…»

Bobby is clearly unconfortable but he feels he has no choice. It's a catch 22 for him.

«Her father was associated with the Rizzoto family. First, they lived in Montreal and then, they moved here…So it was always hard for her to trust people because she always had guards around her and she had a private tutor.»

Nick seems relieved, it might not be as bas as he thought, he tells himself. But, Bobby now stares at Chris through the glass window and if he didn't know better, he could swear he almost can see tears threatening to get out.

«Look man, Chris and I have been friends for 25 years and I know what she has been through…She just doesn't like to think about it…It's still painfull fo her. »

Now, Nick is really concern about what Bobby is about to confess.

«Her father was the worse. He used to beat Chris, her sister and their mom…»

« I didn't know she has a sister,» Nick says.

«She died a long time ago…When Chris was about eight years old. Anyway, he beat the crap of out Chris because she was the strong one, who tried to stood up to tried to broke her, but it didn't work so he did the unthinkable.»

At this point, Nick look up to look up at Chris through the window and he realized how hard life had been on her. She was one the victim he saw each day here and it broke his heart. At the same time, he was in awe on how much resilience she had to have survived the abuse and become a wife and a mother. And she was a great mother, he witnessed how close she was to her children and how much they loved her. She had broke the cycle but was very careful when it came to the men she allowed in her life and that he could understand completly.

«But, Nick it was not the worst part. Her father became angry at her,» Bobby continued «so one day, when she was ten years he raped her…»

«What? »Nick wasn't sure he heard right. He couldn't believe it but, at the same, with what they saw each week, he knew so well how often it happened.

Bobby looked at him.

«She was my best friend and I couldn't protect her, I didn't see it for a long time. Until, one time day, she broke down and told me everything. I am telling you this because I want you to understand why she is careful and scare…She has been through so much…»

Nick was very tense and almost angry about what Bobby just told him. He wanted to punch her dad or worse…

Suddenly, the door opened and Chris came out with Amanda. She was smiling because it went better than she had , she look around and saw the faces of Bobby and Nick…

I was happy and relieved when it was over…I thought talking with this girl would bring back some bad memories but it didn't happen so I was glad. As soon as I saw Nick and Bobby's faces I knew something was up and I had a pretty good idea what it was about. I walked over Bobby , very angry and hurt that my friend had betrayed my trust.

«Tell me you didn't him,» I said with an angry tone in my voice. Bobby looked down and I lost it. I slapped him really hard and run outside the building with tears coming down my cheeks. He promised he wouldn't say anything, especially Nick. Now, he would see me broken and weak and I couldn't face that. Not from him.

As I was slowing down, I heard footsteps and I felt a hand on my right arm. I turned around to face Bobby, but Nick was standing there.

«PLease, just go away,»I cried out.

«Never»was his only asnwer.

Then, he took me in arms. He was rubbing my back and saying words to console me. I just let out the tears and stayed in his arms until I was calmer.I looked up to him and saw no pity, just his beautiful brown eyes staring at him, saying to not run away from him. He bend down his head and pressed his sweet lips against mine. I put my arms around his neck to have him closer to first, it was just a sweet tender kiss but it quickly became more heated.I felt his tongue trying to enter my mouth and I let him do so with a moan. His hands were on my hips pulling me closer, holding me tight. He pressed me against the building and I could feel him growing against me. I felt this fire burning inside me and he let my mouth go to kiss the crook of my neck. I was losing all control and any coherent thoughts had left me. I didn't even mind we were in a public place, even though we were alone. Then, Nick press his forehand againt mine and he sounded out of breath…

«Baby, we need to get out of here,» he said with a husky voice. I simply nodded in agreement.


	4. Chapter 4

I won't give up

Chapter 4- The first night

**I hope you will enjoy. Now, it was a bit hard for me to write as English is not my first language...Also, I would love some reviews and know where you would like this story to go. I have some ideas but I am open to suggestions.**

Nick lead me to his car and he opened the door for me. My emotions were all over the place and I didn't know how to react, so I just closed my eyes and press my forehead against the window. He got into the car and started the engine, I didn't even ask where we were going. I didn't mind cause I felt safe with Nick, I knew he was going to take care of me and I needed it. Nick took my hand and he took it to his lips to kiss it. I turned around to look at him and made small smile. We drove for a while and when we arrived I realized that we were at Nick's house.

«I thought we could have a coffee and talk,» he says to me.

«Is that all?»I reply with a teasing tone.

«Chris, I would never take advantage of you, I hope you know that.»

«I was just teasing you Nick. Of course, I know you wouldn't do that.»

He gets off the car and comes to my side to open the door for me. This guy is really sweet and a real gentleman, something rare these days.

We enter in his house and I find it really cozy and confortable.

«Let me take your coat and you can make yourself at home while I make the coffee.»

While Nick is busy making the coffee, I look around. I see pictures of his daughter Zara everywhere. She is so adorable, she looks like her father with those beautiful , I feel a hand on the small of my back and Nick gives me a light kiss on my neck. Then, he puts his arms around me and I lean onto him as it feels so good. He makes us sit down on the couch and I see there's two cup of coffee on the table.

«You must miss your daughter a lot,»I say to him breaking the silence.

«Yes, it's really hard for me to not have her everyday with me. It broke my heart when my ex-wife left with our daughter, »Nick answers.

I put my hand on his and press it to show him I understand how he feels.

«Listen, Chris I don't want you to be mad at Bobby, I forced him to tell me the truth.»

I laugh and reply with a sarcastic tone:«Nobody forces Bobby to do something.»

«Maybe, he wanted me to know the truth, to understand you better...», Nick says.

«I want to be there for you, you've been through so much and yet you pulled through. This is admirable.»

«I have no merit really, I had people in my corner like my husband and Bobby...I was not alone, sometime lonely, but never alone.»

Nick smiles at me and my heart starts to accelerate. This man makes me melt everytime he looks at me and I don't want to fight it put his arms around me and he holds me tight.

«You are so wonderful Maria left me, I thought I could never trust any woman...Everything changed when I met you, »he tells me.

I feel my breathing becoming heavy and I see him coming closer to lips are so close, I can feel his breathing...He leans in and our lips meet. It's sweet at first but it becomes heated really fast. Nick's tongue enters my mouth and he tastes so sweet...We fall back on the couch and Nick is on top of hands touch me everywhere...His lips leaves mine to go on my neck and he gives me a passionate kiss. One of Nick's hand comes to my breast and rubs it, as I let out a moan..Oh, man this feels so good, it's been so long since...Nick suddenly pulls back and look deeply into my eyes.

«Tell me to stop if you are not ready, I don't want to force you,»Nick says with a heavy only answer is to take his lips, I love how he , I take his shirt off..He looks so hot without his shirt...I rub his chest and kiss him on the crook of his neck.I can feel that Nick is really aroused through our pants and I feel some fire in me too...

He takes my hand and we walk up to his bedroom.I put my own shirt off and we fall back onto his bed. Now, I am on top of him and I kiss Nick everywhere his chest, rubbing his growing erection..I hear him moan and I smile. I like to know that I can have this effect on , he pulls me over he is now on top of me.

«Two can play that game, baby,»he says to me with a smile.

Then, he pulls my shirt off and starts rubbing both of my breasts.I pull my bra off and he kisses me passionatly.

«You taste so sweet,Chris.»

Then, he put one of my nipple in his mouth and his tongue plays with it.I unbuckle his belt and put his pants does the same with mine.I caresses his member through the fabric and I can feel myself becoming wet...My breathing is really heavy and I hear my hearbeat ...I am so excited.

«Nick, I need you in me, now...»

«Are you sure?»

«Oh yes,» I say with a moan.

«Let me get some protection...»

«Nick, I'm on the pill, I want to feel you in me without..»I don't have time to finish as he crashes his lips on mine. Then, he gets off his boxers and I let go of my panties.

He enters in me with precaution, like he doesn't want to hurt me. I grab his ass and press it to show him I am ready. His thrusts are slow at first but, quickly, he accelerate as we can't hold back.

«Chris, baby, you're so..»

I let out a big moan as am coming and have an , Nick come inside falls on me and press his forehand on breathing slowly comes down as he gives me sweet kisses and caresses my cheeks.I feel so good and happy at the same time.

«Baby, are you ok ?,»Nick asks with a concern tone.

«I am better than ok, it was amazing Nick,» I says to him.

He rolls on my side, and put one arm under me and rub my hand with his other arm

«I don't want you to regret what just happened,»Nick tell me.

I turn my head to look at him.

«Never,»is my only , I close my eyes and enjoy the moment. I haven't at peace like this in really long time and I won't want the moment to end.

Later, we both fall asleep in each other arms, after I called Maria to let her know I wouldn't sleep at home...

I wake up the next morning and, at first, I don't recognize my , I remember I slept at Nick's place...We made love three times last night and it felt so good, so right. My stomach makes some loud noise and I realize how hungry I am. I get up and get dress, then go downstair. I see Nick already made some coffee and he is busy making the greet me with a smile as he comes to me. He put his arm around me and gives me a passionate put his head on my neck and gives me some butterfly kisses. Last night emotions comes back to me...Could I ever get tired of him? I don't think so.

Nick comes back to the oven to make the breakfast.

«I thought you might be hungry after last night,»he tells me with a smile.

«Ya, we certainly burned some calories,» I say as I put my arms around him. He takes my hand in his and kisses it. I love how sweet and gentle Nick is with me. I have never been a person who liked to be touch a lot, maybe because of what happened to me ...But, with Nick it's different. It feels so natural and good at the same time.I can't keep my hands off him and when we are not together I think about him almost all the scares me because the only other man I felt in love with was taking away from me and it hurt like hell..I don't ever want to go through that again, I don't if I could survive it. I barely did last time, my children were the reasons I got through it. Without them, I don't know what I've would have done.

«Chris, where are you?», Nick asks me.

«I am thinking how happy I am, »I reply to him with a takes me into his arms, kisses me.

«Me too, baby. I haven't been this happy in a long , let's sit down before it becomes cold.»

As we eat, I think to myself that maybe happiness is possible...

It's been three weeks since Nick and I made love for the first time and everything is going great. We spent as much together as possible and I enjoy every moments because I know how precious they are...You never know when it can be taken from children are becoming attached to Nick as he is a father figure to them. At first, I was afraid that my older one would not be happy to see a man in my life, but it was the opposite. I think he misses his dad and he is happy to have a man doing some activities with him, other than Bobby.

I a still a bit angry at Bobby for telling Nick the truth even if I understand why he did it.I forgave him but I am not ready to go back like nothing happened...It was not his truth to tell even though my life is not better for it. When I think about Nick, I feel this sensation in the pit of my stomach that I can't describe...I know I am falling for this man but I ready to take a leap of faith.

I look the time and I hurry, as it's Saturday and Nick wanted to take me out on a date...He is so sweet and romantic, always saying the right thing,hugging me or kissing me...I hear the doorbell right and I hurry already answered and she looks pale...Like she has seen a , I see who is standing on the porch: my mother.

«What the hell are you doing here?, I ask her with an angry tone.

«Christine, we need to talk,» she tells me.


	5. Chapter 5

**I won't give up **

**Chapter 5- The declaration**

**Disclaimer ****: I own nothing about SVU. Now, I see that people are reading, but I haven't had that much comments. Some feedback would be welcome. The next chapter is already written but I will wait before I publish it. Enjoy!**

I was in shock and speechless to see my mother standing on my porch. How the hell did she got here? She wasn't suppose to know where I live but, then again, she had ressources and connections that would be happy to help her find me…After all, I didn't exactly hide as I didn't want to live my life as if I was the one who did something wrong. It was the other way around; my parents were to blame and should be ashamed of what they put my sister and I through…

-«Christine, we need to talk,» my mother tells as she enters without waiting for me to answer.

-«I don't know what we could possibly talk about, everything was said and done a long time ago,» I reply with an angry tone.

-«Honey, I think it's time you let go of the past and look right ahead into the future. After all, we can't change what happened, but we an build on the future.»

-«Are you kidding me?It's not like you said no to me because I wanted to go see my boyfriend, » I trail off.

-«I think you are dramatizing things a bit. It was your father's fault,»she tells me.

-«You've got some nerve, of course it was your fault too. You knew what was happening and you let it happen because you were more interested in keeping appearances than your daughter's wellfare,»I shout to her as anger fills me.

-«Christine, you know very well it's not true. Besides, your father was wrong but you were, how can I say it, a little provocative…»

She will never change, blaming me for the sins of my father. I was a child; I realize how small I was when my own son turned ten…That's the age my father started to abuse me. I should have known, she will never own up to her mistakes. Instead, she will pass it to everyone else. My father was pathetic and a poor excuse for a man but he didn't pretend to be someone he wasn't. On the other hand,in public, my mother appeared as the perfect role model for a wife and a mother, which couldn't be further forme the truth…

Suddenly, Hannah comes running into my arms and my mother smiles at her. My little girl is shy and doesn't like stranger so she hide her hand in my neck.

-«She is lovely, can I hold her?»she aks me. I stare at her in must have hit her head or something.

«Never,» is my only reply as I pull far away from her, protecting my baby from this woman who I will never trust again in this lifetime.

-«Look, Christine, I am your children grandmother and I have right to see them…»

I don't let her finish because I am so angry at what she just said.

-« You have no rights to anything. You gave up you rights when you let my ass father abuse me…»

-«Christine, dear, don't be so difficult. You know it was your father's , my lawyer told me I can see my grandchildren and I intend to do so.»

-«Get out», I scream scaring my little Hannah.

-«Look what you did. Your little girl is scared. I am worry about your emotionnal state of mind. Maybe, you should consult.»

-«The only one who needs a consultation is you as you think you did nothing , I don't care what you ass lawyer told you, but you won't have any contact ever with my children. Get out before I call the police on you for intrusion.»

«Very well, but you will be sorry, I promise,»she tells me before she leaves.

Her little visit leaves me exhausted but, somehow, I manage to hold back the tears that are on the verge of falling. Maria helps me with dinner and my children bath. I don't know how I manage, I feel like my mind is far away from my body. I almost call Nick to tell him not to come tonight because I don't know what to tell him or if I want to tell anything to him. I know he will feel shot out but I can't help it; old habits die hard. I take the phone three or four times and I hang up before the first ring…Part of me needs to be confort and I know he will understand. I am so use to deal with things on my own, I hate it when I feel weak…I was always like that, even with my husband. He understood it when I needed space and he let me deal with it on my own terms.

Suddenly, the phone ring as I am ready to put my girls to bed, it's about 7 o'clock.

«Hey Chris, it's me, I am only 15 minutes away. Do you want me to pick up something to eat?,» Nick asks me.

I don't feel the courage to talk much and I am not sure if I will be of good company tonight.

«Look Nick, hum, I don't feel so good, I am really tired. Maybe, we should take rain check for tonight.» I hope I don't sound too desperate as I try to hold back the tears that are on the verge of falling.I think he senses something is terribly wrong.

«Baby, what is going on? What happened?,» he replies.

«No..thing. I …am…just…tired.» Now, I know I sound weird and he will know for sure that I am not in my normal mood. So much for keeping my composure.

«Baby, I know there is something wrong. I am almost there. Wait for me.»

He hangs up and I have no choice but wait for him. I put my babies to bed and sing them a little song before the lights are out. I hear footsteps and someone climbing upstairs fast. And then, there he stands in front of me with a concern look on his face. I ask Maria to take care of Michael and kiss my son good night.

Nick closes the gap between us and I can't talk. Before I know it, the tears are falling down my cheeks and I can't keep my composure as I am starting to takes me into his arms and caresses my back.

«Baby, don't cry. Whatever it is, it's going to be ok,»he says to me before taking me to my bedroom and closing the sit on the bed. Then, I explain to him what happened with my evil mother.

Nick sits next to me and he takes my hand in his and caresses it with his is so gentle and sweet and I can't believe how lucky I am to have him in my life. Especially now that my mother has plan to wreck havoc my happy little family life; I don't know how I could handle it by myself.

«Sweetheart, listen to me. I won't let her hurt ever again. We'll find a way to keep her away from your children and you.»

«Nick, I am so scare. She will try to take them away from me. She wanted to control me when I was young and she couldn't. She'll try to take her revenge, » I say with some desperation in my voice.

Nick caresses my cheek and kiss me tenderly on my lips. It's a light sweet kiss but I need more in that moment. I need to be with the man I love…Yes, I have felt in love with him even if I fought it with all I have. I just couldn't help myself even though I am afraid to have my heart crash again.

I hold on to his shirt and kiss passionatly. His tongue plays with mine and he taste so sweet…I feel the heat in the pit of my stomach, I want him now, I need stops kissing me without warning.

«Chris, baby, I don't want to take advantage of you. Maybe, we should stop,»he says in low voice. I feel he is tense as he is trying to be a gentleman…

«Don't stop, I want you Nick. Make love to me, »I tell him as I unbotton his shirt and takes it looks at me with his big brown eyes with the same passion and desire that I feel. Nick falls on top of me and he takes my shirt off at the same time. He gently rub my breats as he kiss my neck. I can't help and I moan loudly. God, I want him so much it hurts. I push him away only to take my bra off.I take his hands and place it on both my breasts. He stares at him with such passion and maybe love? He kisses each nipples, plays with them his thumb making me wet like I have never been before. I start to unbuckle his belt and pants as I can't wait for him anymore, the tension is so high.

«Baby, you're so sweet,»he whispers to my ear and kisses stands up and takes his pants and boxer off. Now, I can see his full erection in front of me and I can't help but touch his erect member. When I start to move it slowly, he closes his eyes and moans in pleasure. He is right there in front of me and I don't even hesitate to take his penis in my mouth. To my surprise, he tastes kind of sweet and I play with my tongue to excite him more.

«Oh god, Chris, it's so good…»he moans in pleasure as I accelerate the he pushes himself away and he proceeds to take my own pants and panties push me on the bed and, now, he is on top of me, rubbing his member agaisnt my kisses my right breast and then my goes down to my tummy and I feel so excited.

«Please Nick, I need you inside of me now,» I whisper as I can barely talk.

«Almost there, Baby, »he says with a husky voice.

He put his mouth in my center and starts playing with my clitoris. He touches places and excites me like I have never been before. I don't want to moan too loudly because my children are not far away sleeping…

When he comes up and kisses me, I can taste myself in his mouth…Then, he enters me slowly and looks into my eyes with such desire…I feel like the most beautiful woman in the starts moving slowly and each thrust is giving me I moan louder, he accelerates the paste and I come to my climax shortly. Then, Nick comes too into and he collapses on top of me. Our breathing is still fast and I feel so good at this moment, so happy and moves a bit and starts caressing my smiles at me, takes my hand and kisses it tenderly.I could stay like this forever I think to myself.

«Chris, I need to tell you something but I don't want you to freak out,» he tells me. Suddenly, an alarm goes into my head. I knew it, something is going to spoil what we have…

«I was married ten years to Maria and when she left me, I was a broken. Even if we have grown apart, I still loved her…»Ok, this isn't good. Did she contacted him and told him she wants him back?

«Look Nick, I understand. She was a big part of your life, I am not asking to commit to anything…»as I start to move away from him.

«Baby, come here. What I met to say is that I have fallen in love with you…You healed my broken heart. I love you so much Chris.»

I stare at him with confusion because I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and, instead, he makes this big declaration of love. I don't know what to say to him as I see he waits for me to say something, anything. I feel the same way about him but I'm not ready to tell him right back…I am too cautious and scare that something might ruin our way he looks at me intensely with his beautiful brown eyes makes my heart melt everytime. I know I should tell him that I love him too but a dark little devil voice inside of my head is toying with my fears…So I do the next thing that comes to my mind; I get out of bed and I go to the bathroom to put a pyjama and regain some composure. I hear Nick foosteps as he comes close to the door and, then, he knocks.

«Baby, are you ok?» he asks me with a concern tone in his voice.

«Ya, Nick I'm ok. Give me one minute will you?».

When I come out of the bathroom, he is standing, fully dress and ready to a moment there, I feel a little panicked. He can't leave I tell myself, not now that he told me how he feels and that I know that I am in love with him…He clears his throat and I see sadness as he look at me.

«Chris, I am sorry if I went too fast…I just …I needed to tell you how I feel. I didn't want to scare you…»

I feel my throat is dry as I struggle to answer him. I don't want to hurt him…This man has rocked my world and I am happier than I have ever been in a long time.

«Nick, I am so sorry…», I can't continue as I choke.

He comes to me in two steps and takes me into his arms, god I feel so safe when he hugs me tenderly like this.

«It's okay baby, I am there for you…I will go to my place tonight, I think It's best that way.»

With those words, he lets me go and walk out the door before I can say anything else. I crawl back to bed and it feels so empty and cold. I cry until I have no more tears. Did I let the best thing that happened to me in long time walk out that door? How can I be so stupid. I can't sleep more than a few minutes at time and I decide to get up. Before I know it, I am up fully dressed and my car keys in my hand. I leave a message to Maria that I'll back tomorrow morning. I need to tell Nick how I feel before he decides that I am to complicated and he is done with me…I just can't lose another man I love; this time, because I am a coward. Half an hour later, I am standing on his front porch. The light is still on and I guess Nick feel as lost as I am…I hope. I knock on the door and I wait. The seconds feel like an hour. Finally, he answers the door, surprise to see me. He has red eyes and his hair are a did I do?

«Chris, is everything ok?,»he asks, clearly surprise.

I enter in his house and put my hands on his jawbone.

«Nick, I am so sorry for my reaction earlier. It's just, you caught me by surprise,» I explain to him.

He put one hand on mine and caresses it.

«It's ok, I shouldn't have push the issue. I realise now I went too fast and clearly you don't feel the same about me,»he says with a sad smile.

He moves backward to get away from me and I can't blame him. But, this time, I won't leave before he knows how I feel…

«Nick, you don't understand…» he cut me off.

«Believe me I do. I think it's best if we take some time off, until you figure out how you feel and what you want,» he replies.

I move forward and takes his hand. I won't back down, I won't be a coward this time.

«Nick, will you listen to me. There is nothing to think about. I know what I want, I want to be with you…You make me so happy, more than you could ever imagine. I…love you too and…».

Before I can finish, his lips are on mind and he give me a heated passionate kiss like there is no tomorrow. He holds me so tight I can't , he whispers to my ear :«God, I was so afraid to lose you. I love you so much.» He takes me in his arms and carries me into his bedroom and make love to me all night…


	6. Chapter 6

I won't give up

Chapter 6

**This next chapter will bring some good news and something will change Nick/Chris relationship. I am glad people are reading my story but, on the other hand, I would love some feedback. So, I already started the next chapter, but I won't publish it until I get a couple of review. Just speak your mind. Good, bad, what do you want to see happening? Enjoy!**

When I woke up the next morning, I try to curl against Nick but his side of the bed is empty. I open my eyes and look around; his clothes are gone too. He has left me a message on the drawer saying he had to go to work because they got a case. Besides the note, there is a key…I guess we are getting really serious for him to leave that key…I kind of like it. So, I put my clothes on and I go back to my place. Maria drove the children to school and is playing with my little Hannah in the backyard. She smiles at me when I arrived and Hannah comes running into my arms. I pull her up and kisses her on her forehead. She looks so much like her father…It was his last gift for me before he was killed in a car crash. My biggest regret is that she'll never know her father and how great he was. I guess I will have to tell her all about him so she'll feel like he is close to my children, Bobby has always been «uncle Bobby» but it's not the same as having your father around.

So far, Nick has been really good with my kids and I can't help but wonder what the future holds for us…For the first time in a long time, I really feel optimistic and Nick has everything to do with it. He is there for me, whether I am in good or bad mood..That says a lot about the kind of man he is. The only cloud I see for the moment is what my mother told me when she paid me a visit.I hope it was an empty threat…If not, I will fight her with everything I have. I will never be able to trust her with my children because of what she did, or didn't do when my father abused me.

The days passes and they quickly become weeks and then, before I know it, it's already been four months that Nick and I are together and he comes to my home almost every night…The children are getting closer to him and I love him each day more…It still scares me but I am willing to take that leap of faith. After all, everyone deserves happiness and I think I've suffer enough for one lifetime.

I have put my kids to bed and I am waiting for Nick tome come. I knew it was gonna be a long day because they had just caught a new case; a man who was beating his wife and she ended up dead…Nick is taking it really personal because his own father used to beat his mother until he left…When he finally arrives around 9 o'clock, he looks really exhausted.

«Hey, Nick, you look tired. Are you hungry, » I ask him.

His only answer is to take me into his arm. He holds me so tight I almost can't breathe. I put my arms around his waist and rub his back without saying a word. I feel he'll tell what's on his mind when he is hold on to me and he starts kissing my neck.

Then, he whispers to me :« I thought about you today, I missed you.» He pulls back and gives me a sweet tender kiss on the lips. Afterwards, we sit on the couch and he looses his tie. Nick put his arm around my shoulder and pulls me closes to him. He looks so defeated and mentally drained. I just put my arm around him and kiss on the cheek; I know he needs confort…For once, I have to be the strong one.

«Thank you for being here for me,» he simply says to me.

«You're welcome, I'm happy to do it for once,»I tell him.

«Chris, it was so hard today. It was like I saw my own parents before my eyes. Except, my father left before the worst could happen…,»he can't continue as emotions get the best of him. I can only listen to him and hold him tight, letting him know it's ok to feel what he is feeling. The man was beating his wife and she ended up dead…The squad suspects the husband killed her but, at this point, they can't prove it…It's all suspicion and gutt feeling.

«This case really got to you, didn't it?», I simply ask, breaking the silence.

«Yes it did because it could have been my mother on the EMI table…», he trails off.

«Well, she was lucky in a way your dad left before the worst happened, but it will always stay with you,» I tell him. He rubs my back and gives me a kiss on my forehead before looking into my eyes.

«Yes, in a way we were lucky. But, today, I thought about you too and how awful it must have been for you with your father being abusive…» he tells me with sadness.

«I can't understand your mother did nothing…A mother is suppose to protect her children,» Nick continues. As he is talking to me, I can't look at him…It becomes too intense for me at that moment. He put his hand under my chin and lift it up. My eyes are glassy because I am take back in time for a moment there. I try to regain some composure as I don't like to be weak like that.

«I am sorry baby, I didn't want to bring back some bad memories, » Nick tells me.

«It's ok, the memories will always be there. I just don't want you to feel sorry for me, ever. I have a good life now. I survived and I got great children and…you.» I reply.

« I love you so much Chris,» is his only answer before he crashes his lips on mine. At first, I am surprise but, quickly, I respond to his passion. I put my hands around his neck and Nick put both his arms around me. His tongue plays with mine and I can't breathe but, at the same time, I don't want this kiss to stop. Finally, out of breath, he let go of my lips and place his forehead against mine.

«I won't let anyone hurt you ever again baby,» he tells me with a husky voice.

«Nick, you can't promise me that. You don't know the future. Just you being there for me is enough,» I answer him.

He smiles at me and put his arms around me.

«How about a movie?» I ask him.

«Why not, your choice.»

«In that case be ready for a chick flick.»I tell him with a grin on my face.

«I don't mind as long as you are happy,» he replies.

God, could he more perfect? I know he is not but since he's been in my life he has been so good to me. Of course, he works long hours, even during the weekend. But, that's the commitment he made when he became a cop and I have to accept it. It's part of who he is. I can't understand his ex-wife Maria for letting him slips away; but, he's her lost and my gain…As he is such a good man and not bad looking on the eyes too…I can't believe he wants to be with me; I am sure he could have any woman…In addition, he is a really good father figure for my children. They missed having a male presence and I am happy they like him as much as they do. My oldest, my son, is sometimes hard but Nick is patient with and I am confident their bond will be stronger as time passes.I put the movie in the blue-ray and I go back and cuddle against Nick. He kisses my forehead as the movie starts. I want to watch it but I can't keep my eyes open. I don't even know I felt asleep in Nick's arms. I half wake up when I feel him taking me into his arms and carrying me into our bedroom. He put me to bed and undress me. I go back to sleep to my sweet dreams. I wake up in the middle of the night when I feel Nick's arm around my waist. I open my eyes and listen to his breathing; he seems to sleep peacefully. I can't help but feel love for this man who is next to me. Before I know it, my hand is on his jawline and I caress it slowly. He starts to move a bit so I stop because I don't want to wake him up…I give him a little kiss on the lips and he responds to me…His arm is tighter around me and he kisses me back.

«That's a good way to wake up, baby»he tells me with a low voice.

«I'm sorry, i didn't want to wake you up Nick.»

He smiles at me and, then he starts to rub my back and he kisses my neck at the same time. He proceeds to get me out of my night gown. He stares at me with a smirks and he put his lips on my right breast. He slowly plays with my nipple and I can't help it, I moan in , he makes me feel things I haven't feel, even with my husband…He makes me feel like a real he continues kissing me as he descent to my navel…I am surprise to feel how ready I am and how much I want to feel him in me. As he comes up, he tells me :«Baby, I love you so much, I want you…». I place my hand on his member fully erect and starts moving slowly and let out a moan…I smile as I love to see the effect I can have on me…I am not the only who succomb to what he does to me…I feel him breathing more heavy as he kiss me on the lips and he stops my hand with his.

«Chris, if you continue like this, I won't be able to hold on much more,» he tells me in a whisper.

WIth that, he opens my legs and enters in me. I moan as I feel exquisite , he starts to thrust into me very slowly like he wants to torture me…and it's sure is working. I beg him to go faster and I put both of my hand on his butt.I give him kiss on his neck and I hear him say my name as he accelerate the paste…I am so close to my climax and I know he holds on for me…Suddenly, the tension is release as I come and soon after, I feel Nick come inside me and scream my then collapses on top of me. He caresses my cheek and gives a little kiss on the lips.

«I love you Chris. Do you know what you do to me?,» he asks.

«Probably the same thing you do to me Nick.»

He moves to my side and put his arm around me. I feel so safe and happy with Nick. I go back to sleep fast. As I do, I hear him say to me :«I love you, sweet dream, my love.» I am not sure if I dreamt it or not…

When I wake up the next morning, Nick is already gone. He took Friday off so he could fly to Washington to see his little girl Zara. I know how much he misses her and I wish I could do something to ease his pain…I can't believe his ex-wife took away his daughter and that he can only see her here and there…It's so unfair because he really is a good father who cares deeply about his little girl.I know she misses him too as she cries often when they skype and asks why her father is not with her anymore…I don't want to tell him how angry I am with Maria because she is still part of his life but some days I crave to take the phone. As I start to dress up and get ready to wake up my children, I don't feel so good…I run to the bathroom and empty the content of my stomack in the toilet…Wich is not much as I haven't eaten for dinner last night. I come back to my room and sit on my bed…I am so stupid. I should have realize sooner what is going on…It's been six weeks since my last period and I have the same symptoms I had with my other pregnancies…Morning sickness, feeling sleepy, bigger boobs… How could this happen? I am on the pill and it's suppose to work most of the time…I know we could have been a little more careful but…Oh my, what am I going to do? We are not ready to have a child. Between Zara and my four children, our hands are full. Plus, we haven't been together that long and I am still afraid something could come between us…I can't tell Nick or do I tell him? I decide to call Bobby and ask him to go to dinner with tonight. He is happy to as we don't see much of each other I do, I go and get a pregnancy test to make sure I am not wrong…And surely, it's positive!

As I arrive to the restaurant, I see Bobby is already there. He gets up and gives me a big hug. It is so good to have some time with my best friend. It seems we haven't done it for years…

«Chris, I am so glad you called. I missed you,» Bobby tells me.

«I know, my friend, I missed you too and I miss our chat,» I say to him as I take his hand and squeeze it.

«So Bobby, how have you been and how do you like you work?,» I ask him.

«Well, I love it event Liv keeps me on my toes. But, I haven't been busy as you been…with Nick!» he tells me with a smirk. I feel myself blush as he says that. He starts laughing.

«C'mon girl. The guy is at your place almost every day and he is all he talks about…You should see him when he talks about you and the kids. I am telling he is head over heels in love with you».

I smile back at my friend and we continue to chit chat about jobs, love interest, life, etc. As the waiter comes, Bobby orders a beer and I simply ask for some water. Now, he looks at me with a suspicious look.

«Chris, what is going on? » Bobby asks with concern in his voice.

«Nothing, I'm just a bit tired, that's all,» I reply.

«Chris, I know you..No beer, tired…Are you pregnant?,» Bobby asks me. Crap, I thought I could wait before he figured he out or I told him but I guess my friend knows me too damn well.

«Hum…Hum. Ya, I found out am I going to do, Bobby? » I say and then I burst in friend takes my hand and caresses it.

«Sweeheart, as I told you Nick is completly in love with you, I am sure he will be happy when you tell him.. You will tell him right?,» he says as he see me frown.

«I don't know, I can't think. Things are going too fast. Plus, he has his little girl who is far away…Maybe, it's not the right time for a baby…» I trail off.

«Listen to me Chris, you have to tell him before you do anything . After all, he is the father and he has the right to know.»Bobby says to me with a serious tone.I know he is right but I don't know how to explain this sensation in the pit of my stomach that things will change forever…I have this distinct impression that my world is getting upside down and I have no control over it…It's like déjà vu all over again.

«I'll tell him Sunday night when he comes back from his trip to Washington.» I answer my friend. We continue to talk about other things and the evening goes fast. So does the week end and I am really nervous to talk to Nick. He arrives on Sunday night just in time to put the kids in bed. After everyone is asleep, we sat down to talk. He goes on and on about how great it was to spent time with his daughter and describes everything they did he talks, I can feel something else is on his mind and I desesperatly want to tell me what is going , he takes a long breath and plunges.

«Chris, I also talk to Maria this weekend,» he tells me as he can't meet my alarm immediatly goes off in my head.

«She has decided to move back to New York because she realized Zara needs to spend more time with me. We will have share custidy.», Nick tells me as he takes both my hands. He looks so happy at this news and, in a way, I am for him. On the other hand, I don't know what it means for our couple.

«Nick, I am so glad for you,» I tell him and I am sincerely.

«I can't wait for you to meet my little girl. I talked to her about you and she is really excited.»

I can't help but feel sadness because I feel this the beginning of the end for us…I can't tell him my news, not now.


	7. Chapter 7

**I won't give up**

**Chapter 7**

**Disclaimer : I don't own anything about Law and order , I would like some feedback from those of you who are reading…Next chapter is almost ready so as soon as I get some reviews, I'll post it. Don't be shy to give your impressions Don't forget English is not my mother tongue so i might make some mistakes along the another note, since Danny Pino is one of my favorite, I found a DVD set for the serie Cold case…All 7 seasons. I started watching it last week…He is good in that serie too. Enjoy the chapter and don't forget to review!**

Two weeks have passed since Nick annouced to me that Maria is coming back to New York with their little girl Zara. We still have the same routine as Nick comes to my place every night but something has changed; he seems happier and I can understand it. They are coming back tomorrow and we have decided that he will stay at his place with his little Zara for a while, until the dust settle. We will see how things go and we will take it from there…But, deep down, I feel that it won't be the same…Nick has this idea of a big happy family, but something tells me it won't be that easy I told Nick he should spend the night at his house and prepare for his little girl to come home. He went away after he hugged me and gave me a passionate kiss. I haven't got the courage to tell him I am pregnant yet, I am waiting for the right moment and it hasn't happen…But, I am two months pregnant and I must tell him before he figures it out by himself…I'll start showing sooner or later and I want to be the one to announce the news to Nick. As the I am reading a bedtime story to my girls, Bobby arrives and he proposes a game on the X-Box to Michael…My son is thrilled and goes without saying good night to his sisters. When I am finished with the story, I say good night to everyone and goes downstairs. Michael has beaten Bobby for the third time and I interrupt them because it's time he goes in his bedroom.

«Mickey, go brush your teeth and in your bed young man,» I say to my son.

«Please mom, five more minutes, please say yes,» he begs me.

«No, but you can read before you turn the light off…Not more than half an hour though,» I reply.

My son's deception is evident but he doesn't say a word, gives me a kiss and a high five to Bobby before he goes to his bedroom.

«Chris, you know he probably won't respect the half hour time limit,» Bobby says with a smrik.

«I know, but at least he'll be in his bedroom and calm. Unlike when he plays with you,»I answer as give him a punch.I sit down next to him on the couch.

«So Chris, you haven't told Nick yet? Why? The more you wait, the harder it will get, you know,»Bobby tells without sugar coating it.

«I know Bobby. I swear I was gonna tell him when he came back from Washington but he announced me Maria was coming back with Zara…Things got more complicated. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place,» I explain to my friend.

«Well, you're what, two months pregnant? Soon, you're going to show, so you better hurry,» Bobby says.

«I know but things were going great and now, I feel like everything is messed up. Plus, I don't know how Nick will react…I'm scare to lose him Bobby. I don't know what I would do, » I tell me friend. Bobby takes me in his arms and tries to confort me. When he leaves, I feel a little better and I tell myself things will find their place.

Nick had Zara with him this week, so he stayed at his place. I missed him a lot and my children too. Particulary, my little Hannah who kept asking «where dada?». I almost cry the first time she said it…Of sadness and joy at the same time.I am glad she loves Nick as a father but,at the same time, I wish my husband were here to see her grow up…Even if she's blond and he had dark hair, she looks a lot like her father…It's her that reminds me the most my husband.

Today is Saturday and I am excited because Nick went to drop his daughter to Maria and he's going to be here all week…It's seems an eternity since it happened and I am glad – and nervous at the same time. Maria-Nick ex-wife, isn't particulary thrilled we are together and I sense she's even jealous. It's just an impression I got when I went for dinner at Nick's place and she came to drop some clothes off for her daughter…I think she wants Nick back and thought he would wait for her and she's not happy to see he has moved on. But, did he really? Always that little devil voice in my head .

When Nick arrives, he takes a few steps towards me and put his arms around me. I feel so good to be against him.

«Baby, I missed you so much this week,» he says then hungrily kiss my lips with passion. We are interruted by the children and we must let go of each other's arms. We look at each other and we know that later we will start again where we left off…

Later that night, as we are laying in bed and Nick is asleep, I can't sleep. Nick was so sweet and tender when we made love…Like he was afraid he would hurt me. I couldn't tell him just yet because I didn't want to ruin the moment. We spent the Sunday as a family…We went to the zoo and the children really enjoyed it.I could see in Nick's eyes he was missing his daughter but I kept telling myself that soon everything would be normal…Wishful thinking?As he went to work the next morning, I drove my three oldest to their school while Maria- my nanny- was taking care of Hannah. Suddenly, my phone rings and I am surprise to see the number 's maria, Nick's ex-wife and she wants to talk to me. I'll tell her I can be at a little coffee around 10 o'clock. When I arrive, she is aleady sitting at a table so I walk over to her. She stares at me with a cold look while she makes a gesture that-I guess-means I can sit down.

«Look Christine, I won't pretend I like you,»Maria begins to say.

«Oh gee, thanks,»I reply with irony.

«Listen, I don't hate you either but I just don't think it's going to work,»she tells.

«I don't follow, what is not going to work?,»I ask.

«You and Nick. You are not from the same world.»Now, I am starting to boil inside but I try to keep my composure.

«Listen, Maria (with sarcasm), Nick and I are none of your business and…», . She cuts me off.

«Yes, it's my business as Zara is in contact with you. I don't want her to feel like she is losing her father.»

«What? Are you serious? You're the one who left with Zara for Washington in the first place!».Now, I am really pissed and I sense what is going on and it has nothing to do with Zara's wellfare.

«Yes, I left but I realized it was a mistake…Zara needs her dad and I still love have a history…I want to give us another chance.» Now, the cat is out of the bag. The real reason she came back is because she wants to get Nick back.

«Maybe you want Nick back but he is with me now. My children love him and I love him.»

«Christine, I am sorry for you, but he should be with his family…We needed some time apart to find ourselves and get back together.»

«Really, have you talk to Nick about all your wonderful plan or you want to put your filthy claws on him?Because I warn you, I won't let you destroy what we have, I'll fight for my him.»

She starts laughing at me and stares at me with a smirk on her face. I swear, I could slap her if I didn't have restrain. It takes all I have…

«Listen to me, if I want Nick back, I'll get him 're only the rebound girl,»she tells me. I stand up and leave her. I can't stay there or I am going to do something I regret. I go back to my car and I start to cry. I knew better to get involved with a man after I got my heart broken…I am in a nightmare. Even if I tried to keep my cool in front of Maria, she hit a nerve and she knows it. I can't compete with her…She'll play dirty if she have to to get Nick back. She doesn't deserve him but I feel so helpless and tired at the same time. I drive home and, as the day pass, I get a big -my nanny- sees something is wrong and she takes care of everything.I go to bed around dinner time and I fall asleep. I don't hear Nick as he arrives but he must help Maria put the children in bed as I am still sleeping.

A little later, I feel someone getting into bed and an arm is suddenly around me. I roll over to see him staring at me as the day goes off…

«Sorry baby, I didn't want to wake you up,»Nick whispers to me as he rubs my back.

«It's ok, I wasn't really asleep, just trying to kick off this big migraine,»I reply with the same tone. He starts rubbing my temples and I moan as it feels good. He gives me a little kiss on my lips …and I respond with passion. I need him to make love to me at this very moment.

«Chris, are you sure?» he asks me. I can feel his arousal through his boxers…So I grab it before he can argue with me. I don't want to starts caressing my breasts as he takes my bra off. He plays with each nipples with his tongue and I can feel myself beccoming wet very fast…I don't want to wait anymore so I take his boxer off and take his lenght with my hand. I move it slowly at first and I can hear Nick panting in pleasure. He takes my hand off his member, open my legs and enter me slowly. I can't help but moan in pleasure as I feel him inside of me. His paste is slow at first but, quickly, each thrust goes faster as I reach my own orgasm. Soon after, Nick comes too and find his own is on top of me and he looks at me with so much love at that moment…I try to engrave every detail of his face in my memory as it if it were the last time we will be , we fall asleep in each other's arms.

Later that week, I have an appointment around 11 o'clock to my doctor to check if everything is ok. As I walk out the building, I see Maria sitting with Nick on a terrace. They don't know I am there but they seem to have a pretty cozy , they both start laughing and Maria takes Nick's hand…I can't bare to watch more and I turn around to get into my car. I cry all the way home. I can't believe but Maria was right, I was the rebound girl. Nick is playing, maybe even without knowing it. I can't let this go on. Sooner or later, I know what I have to do even if it hurts like hell.

When Nick arrives alter that night, I ask him to come into my bedroom. He looks surprise to see a couple of boxes. I made my decision and I'll will stand by it even if it hurts…It's better for everyone, except me…

«Baby, what's all of this? Are you giving away things you don't need. I can help you with those boxes.» Nick tells me.

«Listen Nick, well..hum…Those are YOUR boxes, your things…,»I tell him. He cut me off.

«Baby, don't do this, please. What did I do? I'm sure we can work things out,» he begs me as I see tears in his eyes. I won't back down and I won't let him know how much it hurts me. I have to see this through.

«Nick, don't make this harder…I just don't love you like you want me too…» I trail off. He looks hurt and angry.

«What do you mean you don't love me? You were only using me? But, I felt in love with you,» he shouts at me really angry now. Good, it will be easier for him to walk away if he is pissed at me.

« I mean, I thought I loved you, you know. Sure, I like you a lot…but…»before I can finish he storms off telling me I can send him his boxes and there he is gone. I feel so empty and lost at the same time, I just pushed away the man I love deeply because it is in his best interest but he'll never know. He will think I played him for a fool…If he hates me, it will be easier for him I hope. I go to bed, curl up and I cry all night…I promise the baby inside of me that I'll take really good care of him/her and , some day, I'll it about his/her dad.

I told Bobby we broke up the next morning before he went to work and saw Nick…Of course, Nick gave him the cold shoulder and Cragen is suspecting something is going on so he doesn't make them partners on cases. It's been two months since I push Nick away and it's still hurts like the first minute he walked out my door. Bobby begged me to tell Nick the truth but I couldn't and I made my best friend promise he would keep my secret. I have dark circles under my eyes because I can't sleep and I practically don't eat…My belly is getting a little bigger and this baby is my consolation…Deep down, I wish for a little boy that would remind of Nick…I saw Nick with Maria and Zara a couple of times in the park when I went with my children. Maria was glowing and Nick only nod his head to acknowledge my presence before turning his attention to Zara. I guess my plan is working, even if sometimes I wish it didn't…Maria must have been right, I was only the rebound girl and Nick realized it after our fight.

I am lost in my dark thoughts when the phone rings. I look at the caller ID and see that it is Olivia Benson. I wonder what she wants…

«Hello,» I answer.

«Christine, this is Olivia,»she tells me with a concerned tone.

«Listen, something happened,» she goes on.«Bobby has been shot.» As soon as I hear those words I can't breathe. My friend has been shot in the line of fire and for Olivia to call me, it must be really bad.

«How is he? Where is he?», I shout.

«Christ, he 's in bad shape. You need to come right away. He's asking for you,» she tells me with fear.

As I hang up, I explain briefly the situation Maria-my nanny- and hurry to the hospital. When I arrive, they're all there talking with the doctor. With the look on their faces, I know the news are gonna be pretty bad. Olivia comes to me to explain the latest news.

«He was shot three times. The vest caught two bullets but the last one must have deviate and they have to operate. It's near his heart…»she says to me with tears on her doesn't need to say more, I know he could not make it through the operation.

I walk to the doctor.

«Can I see him please,»I ask.

«Who are you?» the doctor ask in a hurry.

«She's family»Nick replies at my place. I give him a thankful smile and he gives a small smile back.

«Ok, but only for a minute.» the doctor says to me.

I walk over and see my friend lying there. He look so pale, like he is already gone. I can't help it as tears go down my cheeks.I take his hand in mine and gives him a small kiss on his forehead. He opens his mouth and tries to talk to me but I stop him, knowing he needs all his strenght.

«You listen to me Bobby, you will pull through…I need you more than you know. You'll always be there for me and I can't imagine my life without you so you fight, you understand? You need to be there for this baby,» I plead him. And with that, I put his hand on my belly. The doctor gives me a nod and they take my friend away to the OR.

When I turn around, I see Nick standing there and he looks hurt and sad. Oh no, he must have heard about the baby…


	8. Chapter 8

**I won't give up **

**Chapter 8**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing about Law and order SVU. Now, I have certains directions I could take or start another story because last week eppy gave some ideas. So give me some feedback...Enjoy!**

Nick look at me and seems sad and angry at the same time. Bobby was right of course, I should have tell him sooner and now I messed up things really bad for everyone.

«You're pregnant ? How come you didn't tell this me before?», Nick tells me with an angry tone.

«Nick this is not the place. Come with me,» I reply to him. I don't want to have this conversation in front of everyone because I know it might not be pretty. He follows me as I go to the stairwell.

«So, are you pregnant or was it just because you wanted _him _to not give up?» Nick asks me. I can tell he's fuming and I understand; he must feel hurt but the moment is not good for me too as my best friend is fighting for his life.

«Listen Nick, I am sorry I didn't tell you sooner…I swear I wanted too but the right moment never seem to come…»I tell him and he cuts me off. Nick take a few steps towards me and he is only a few feet apart. I didn't want him to learn he's going to be a father this way, but I guess it's too late.

«How long have you known? How could you do this to us, to me?,» he shout really pissed off.I have never seen him like this.I can feel his breath on mine and all I can think is how much I want him to kiss me, to confort me in that moment…I love him so much but I pushed him away and I will never get him back.

He looks at me angry, hurt and with something else I can't define. Suddenly, he takes me into his arms and his lips are on mine. It's not a sweet tender kiss but a passionate angry one. I can't help myself as I put my arms around his neck and I answer with the same passion. Finally, he let go of me and put his forehead against mine.

«Why did you sleep with him? I love you and wanted a life together with our children. I would have done anything for you baby…You broke me like no one ever did…»Nick says to me in a whisper as he let go of me and walk away.

I stand there in shock as I realise he thinks the baby is Bobby's…He looked so defeated and broken and I did nothing…I am in complete shock and everything is so mess up right now. I crawl on the floor and I cry for like seems forever. Afterwards, I go to the ladies room to clean myself and go back to the waiting room where everyone else is there but he doesn't even look at me as he is talking with Fin. I sit down and Olivia comes next to me and ask me if I am all right. I tell her I am doing ok considering as I can't tell her what's really going on. Though, she looks at me and then Nick and I have a feeling she knows I am telling her the whole truth.

When Bobby's parents, two brothers and sister arrived, I explain to them the situation and we sit silently as we are afraid of what might happen to Bobby. From time to time, I look up to Nick and I see him looking away from me everytime. I wish I could just walk over to him, take him into my arms and tell him the truth…Then, maybe, he could forgive me and we could be together again…But, it's only a dream and I know for sure it's not going to happen as I hurt him so badly. Almost eight long hours have passed and I am telling myself it's good sign…He's still holding on to life. Suddenly, the doctor comes through the doors and Bobby's parents approach him. I hear that he's going to be fine; he survived the surgery even if it was touch and go for a while. He shouldn't sustain any complications has everything went relatively well. I let out a breath of relief and I rush outside as I feel trapped with of these people in the room. I go out by a back door and I put my back against the wall. Tears start falling down my cheeks…I was strong all day but now I can let go as I know Bobby should be all right.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I am somewhat surprise because I didn't hear anyone. I look up and I see Nick standing in front of me. He's staring with his big beautiful dark brown eyes. Whe he looks at me like this, he makes feel like I walking on cloud nine. With his right thumb, he washes away my tears. He doesn't know that some of them are for him…Finally, he breaks the silence.

«Don't cry, Chris. _He _is going to be ok. He pulled through,» Nick whispers to me.

«I know, it's just the emotions coming out…It seems I do that a lot these days,» I say with a sad smile. Nick continues to caress my cheeks and it looks he want to tell me something but he doesn't.

In the end, I am the one takes his hand off me and starts to move towards the door. When we enter the waiting room, Bobby's sister comes to me and simply says :«Bobby is awake and he's asking for you.» I turn around to go back to look at Nick and I see him walk out the door…I can't say I blame him as he thinks that Bobby and I have betrayed him in the worst possible way. So I go over my best friend bedside as it's the only productive thing I can do at the is so pale and seems weak but I see that his breathing is good.I sit on a chair besides his bed and I take his hand in mine. She is cold so I tell myself I gonna help him be warm again. Slowly, he opens his eyes and turns his head in my direction. He tries to move towards me.

«Don't move, don't talk. Just relax Bobby. You need your strenght to heal.»I whisper to my looks so tired, it makes me want to cry again but I hold back my tears.

«Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere.»he tells me in a low voice.

«Chris, I came so close today…Life can change in an instant, you this better than anyone.»Bobby whispers. «You need to tell Nick the truth, how you feel about him…You two deserve to be happy…» he trails off and closes his eyes. He goes back to sleep and I stay by his side.

Ten days have passed since Bobby has been shot and he's getting stronger everyday. Soon, he'll be able to go home as long as someone is taking care of him. Of course, I volonteered and I'll be taking him home with me tomorrow. I hired a nurse that will come everyday to see his bandages and I'll take care of the rest. When Nick heard Bobby was coming to rest to my place, he looked so sad. I'm sure he thought that Bobby and I are really a couple and that we're moving in together…When I got out of Bobby's room, he was on the phone making plans with Maria dinner. My heart sanked as I heard but how can I blame him when I am the one who pushed him away and then I let him think Bobby is the father of my baby?

So, I go to the ladies room and leave Nick with Bobby. As I come back, I hear them chatting but I can feel the tension in Nick's voice. Even if he is cordial towards Bobby, he's not happy with the situation.

«Nick, maybe you should cut some slack to Chris. », Bobby says.

«Look man, I don't think we should discuss it. I am just here to see how you're doing and to wish you well.»Nick replies with a annoy tone.

«I know you're angry, but she didn't mean to hurt you», Bobby tries to explain.

Nick is restraining himself. I sneak to look briefly and I see he's trying to keep his composure. This is bad. I haven't told Bobby that Nick thinks he's the father of my baby. I hope he won,t let the cat out of the bag.I want to go in and interrupt but I can't move, I am froze.

«Well, you too make quite a pair, don't you,» Nick replies and he sounds really angry this time.

«Man, I told you, she didn't want to hurt you. She's suffer so much already, just don't add pain for her,» Bobby says. The moment the words come out of his mouth I know it's gonna be bad. Nick won't understand why Bobby is saying those things…I am sure he will take it the wrong way as any man who had is heart broken would.

«Listen to me buddy, I won,t go too hard on you because you've just been shot. I swear, under different circonstances we would settle this like real men…, » Nick shout to Bobby who doesn't understand why Nick is getting angrier by the minute. The two men I love most in this world are getting at each other's throat and I can't move or breathe…

«What are you talking about? I did nothing wrong. Chris is very important to me,»Bobby replies to Nick.

«You did nothing wrong hum? You screwed my girlfriend and got her pregnant and now you're moving in with her! You stole my life…You know what, I've had just enough of Chris and you. Keep her, she's all yours.» and with these words Nick storms out in the opposite direction from where I stand. I am so down. I made such a mess. The situation got out of control and it's all my fault…I was only trying to do the right thing but I made much worse fro everyone involved…except Maria of course who, I'm sure, is really happy how things turned out…

As I enter Bobby's room, he stares coldly at me.I know he's really mad about my lies and I don't what to say that could justify what I have done.

«I just had an interesting conversation with come he thinks I am your baby's daddy? How could you do this to him and me?». Oh man, I rarely seen my friend so angry like this and never at me. My eyes becomes glassy as I want to be somewhere else, anywhere but in this mess.

«I'm so sorry Bobby…When I talk to you before you operation, he heard me talking about the baby and he thought I meant you were the father when I told you to fight…» I whisper and sit down as I don't feel so well. I explain to him everything. How Maria got to me and why I really pushed Nick away for his own good I thought.

«Oh Chris, you are really in trouble this time...And how do you think you're going to explain it when your baby comes out two months early? He's not stupid. You must set the record straight for all our sake, honey, » Bobby tells me with a softer voice. I look up at him and he make a small smile. I know he's still angry but he understands why I did what I did…But, he's right I have to make amends to Nick before it's too late.

«I know. Honestly, in my heart I knew better than to lie to Nick…Now, he hates me and will never forgive me but he has the right to know he's gonna be a daddy,» I tell my friend as he takes my hand.

The next morning, on my way to the hospital, i stop at a little coffee shop. I only drink decaf but I still need my morning fix. After, I will go directly to the hospital and bring Bobby home with me. As I order my coffee, someone is knocking on my shoulder and I turn around. It's Maria and she has a devil smile on her face. Gosh, I can't stand her but I swallow hard because I know she wants me to be angry. So, I put on my cold face and hope for the best.

«So, here is the cheater who broke Nick, heart…and got knocked up.» she tells me with a victory face.

«Don't talk about what you don't know. This is between Nick and I,» I simply reply.

«But, there's no Nick and you…you dumped him and now he's free to come back to his _real _family», she answers with a happy tone. I can't stand her and I want to tell her to go to hell when a sharp pain goes through my belly. I let out a moan because it hurts a lot…Oh my god, no! I have contractions

I walk slowly to a chair and sit down in pain as Maria has lost her cool and watch me in , Nick comes through the door and see me holding my belly. He walks fast over to me as I let a cry…The pain is simply too much at the takes his phone and I suppose he's calling 911.

«This is officer Nick Amaro. We have a woman in labor about two months pregnant…We need paramedic.»

«Hold on Chris, the bus is on his way,» Nicks tells me in a soft tone and with great concern in his eyes. He rub my arms and talks gently to me until the paramedic arrive. I still have intense pain and I know it's not good.

«Sir, we'll take it form here,» one of the paramedic tells Nick and he moves away from. I am sure but I think I see regret in his eyes..

«So, young lady, you're having contractions?» the older man ask me.

«Yes….It's too soon I can't lose my baby…Please help me I beg, » I cry out at him.

«Look, do something, don't you see she's in pain?, Nick shouts at him,

«Sir please, step away, we got this, » says the paramedic with autority to Nick who moves a bit with and angry look to the EMI.

«Ok, miss, how far along are you?, » he ask me.

Now, I hesitate because I know Nick and Maria are standing there and I didn't want my love to find the truth this way…But, I have no choice as my baby's life depends on what I am going to say…

«I am twenty weeks pregnant, » I say with a sad look to Nick as I know he heard it and we'll figure out he's the father…

As he looks at me, I see that suddenly everything connects as he makes the count.

«Oh my gosh, Chris, no…» is the last thing I hear before everything goes dark around me.


	9. Chapter 9

**I won't give up **

**Chapter 9**

Nick was close to Chris when he heard her tell the paramedic she was twenty weeks pregnant…At first, it didn't register with him as he was so worried because she was having contractions. Then, it hit him like a ton of bricks..Twenty weeks. They were was pregnant with his child. As he was about to say something, he saw that she was about to lose conscience…

«Oh my gosh,Chris, no..» Nick shouted as he rushed to her side. The paramedic was faster and he already put the woman in the strencher.

«Sir, we need to take her ASAP to the nearest ER,» was all Nick could hear. He stared at the woman he loved and all sort of emotions were going through his mind. But, the priority was to get her to the hospital and made sure their baby would be ok.

«I am coming with you,» was all Nick could respond.

«But, sir…»

« I'm the baby's father,» he explained briefly as they were rolling towards the truck. The paramedic looked at him with acknowlegement and understanding.

«She's gonna be all right, they both are sir…But we have to hurry up.»

And so they went with the sirens and the lights on. To Nick, it seems like an eternity before they arrived at the hospital. He was holding Chris's hand and murmuring to her to fight for her baby's life…

As the paramedic rolled her inside, the doctors and nurses took her away from him and, suddenly, he felt like the world had come crashing on him. He felt tears falling down his cheeks but he didn't care…He was going to be a father..Or would he? The woman he love more than life itself had lost conscience after going into premature labor and there was nothing he could do to help…It was the worst feeling didn't wish it to his worst the life of him, he couldn't understand why she hadn't told him she was pregnant. Was she afraid he would reject her? Surely, she knew what she meant to him…Or did she? He started to get the sense it had something to do with Maria returning to New a matter of fact, as he turned around, he saw her entering the ER.

«Nick, how is she?,» asked Maria with a concern tone.

«What the hell do you care?,» Nick shout as he had to let the anger out.

«I…care…I never…wish for her to…lose her baby…Is he really yours?» was all she could muster to say to Nick. She saw how angry he was and how she had dropped the ball on this one. The moment she saw the way he looked at Chris, she had realize she had lost him…He never looked at her like that, he never loved her as much as he loved Chris. That, she was sure of it. Maybe, she had been selfish but she never wished for Chris to lose her baby…The woman didn't deserved it, neither did Nick.

«Look, she wouldn't lie about this…Our baby's life depends on it…WHat did you tell her to make her have contractions? Because, I swear, if Chris loses this baby,» he screamed at Maria with anger and fear in his voice.

«Listen to me. I am sorry this happened but it wasn't my fault…I tried to tell her that you were going back to your family and then…» Maria trailed off.

«What? We aren't back together. I only did things with you because of Zara and you used it to make Chris beleived we were together, »Nick shouted. Now, people were looking at them and Maria was starting to be a little scare of Nick

«I know Nick, I'm sorry…But, in my defense I didn't think it mattered since you told me she was with Bobby and having his child…I guess everyone messed up.»

Nick's breathing was harsh and he closed his eyes to regain some control. Deep down, he knew Maria was right. Accident happen all the time and this was one of them. He felt so guilty. He should have known something was up the minute Chris told him she was breaking up with him…Now, he remembers how sad she looked…She pushed him away on purpuse and made him hate her so he wouldn't come back …But, why? Didn't she know how much he loved her? How much he wanted a life with her and their children?Just as he was about to ask a nurse what was going on, a doctor came out and walked towards him.

«Mister Amaro I presume?,» he asked.

«Yes. How is she? How is our baby? I need to see her…,»Nick blurted out as he was frantic to get some answers.

«You girlfriend is fine and the baby too. She had some serious contractions but we managed to everything under control. Now, she's gonna need to bedrest for ten days and no stress. This is very important. You understand?» the doctor ask with a serious tone. Nick let out a breath as he was relieved, both of them were ok. Under the circonstances, he couldn't ask for more. He desperately wanted to see Chris and take her into his arms…to shake her and put some sense to her! But, he knew he had to be gentle as she didn't need stress after what she's been through.

I am feeling a little sleepy …It must be the medication they gave me to stop the contractions and to relax me. I am feeling like I am on cloud nine..Until the memories of what happened a few minutes earlier hit me. I could have lose my baby..Nick's baby and he would not have known he was going to be a father. What did I do? I want to go back in time and change things but I can't. The doctor told me my baby is fine and that's all that matters for now. Nick will certainly never forgive me for what I have put him through but I know he's gonna be a good dad to this baby…I mourn the lost of my love and I feel tears going down my I let out a sign, I see Nick entering my room. He looks releive, I was expecting him to be angry but I guess he was too scare for his baby…The anger will come later I am sure as I have lied to him and broke his heart…He sits on a chair besides my bed and caresses my cheek with his hand. I miss that, the sweet tenderness that man has showed me…I know it's my fault but I miss him anyway.

«Chris, baby, how are you feeling?»he whispers to my ear.

«Euh,…fine, I guess. Listen Nick, I know I hurt you badly but it never was my intention…I …just…»I try to explain my self to Nick.

«Chut…It's ok. You concentrate on resting for you and our baby's sake, ok?»he tells me as he put his hand on my belly. I can see tears falling down his eyes. What have I done? I put my hand and try to wash away his tears…I don't want him to feel as miserable as I am, but I guess it's too late.

«Baby, why didn't you trust me? Didn't trust my love for you?» he asks in a broken voice. Tears starts to fall my eyes too as I realize that I pushed away the best thing that happened to me since my husband died…He's right, I should have trust that our love would be enough but I couldn't and I did what I always do, I pushed him away. It's a defense mechanisim but at some point, I must stop doing it or I will end up alone and miserable like my mother…Not for the same reasons, but the result would be the same.

«Nick, I don',t know why…Maybe, because I'm an idiot, » I tell him. Through my tears, I see him smiling a bit as he washes away my tears with his thumb.

«I thought that is wasn't a good time for a new baby as Zara was coming back to New York…You had enough on your plate as you were reconnecting with your daughter and ex-wife…» I continue. He stares at me intensely and I close my eyes as I can't bare to see the look of disapointment in his eyes.

«Listen Chris, you know Zara is very important…She's my little girl, but so are you and your children too…I fell in love with you and I thought we had something special…» Nick tells me. «Why did you lie to me? Pushed me away?»

« I thought …No, I know I'm not the best thing for you…You have Zara who is a wonderful little girl and Maria…I ..You should be with your family…» I sob to him.

Now, I am really sad because I know I destroyed any chance I had to build something with this man who has stole my heart ..When I thought I could never loved anyone like I love my husband…I beleive I am not the best thing for him, I am too screwed up and he deserves better than someone as insecure and complicated as I am.

Suddenly, I feel Nick's lips on mine. He gives me a tender sweet kiss and I respond back and put my hands on the back of his neck. The kiss is full of love, tenderness and passion…I can't believe he still wants me after what I did to , we separate as we are out of breath and his press his forehead against mine.

«Chris, baby, of course I love my Zara but Maria is not the woman for me…Not anymore…Don't you see that? You're the best thing that happened to me…Just let me love you…and our baby. I promise I won't hurt you,»Nick declares to me. Gosh, he makes me melt everytime he looks and talks at me this way. The only response I have is to smile to him. I feel tired and my eyes are shuting down…I go back to sleep and I think I hear Nick murmurs to me that he loves me as everything goes blank.

It's been two weeks since our baby scare happened and I feel a lot better. In fact, I can't stand to be on bed rest for one more day but Nick insists we wait for the doctor's green light…He's been so sweet and loving since everything happened…I know I hurt him by not trusting his love for me, for us, but we're working things out and that's what important at this point. He took two weeks off from work to be there and I feel like the most lucky woman in the world…

«Nick, I can get up…I'm tired of doing nothing…I should go out with the kids and play with them,» I pout to Nick. He kneel besides me and take my hand.

«Sweeheart, you're not doing nothing, you have the most important job in the world…You're carrying our child,»Nick tries to reason with me.

«Ok, I may be pregnant but I'm not a porcelain doll…I want to go back to the normal things I do everyday,» I respond to him in a harsh doesn't lose his patience as he knows I'm getting really hard for me to listen to the doctor's orders.

«I know baby, but we're going to see the doctor this afternoon and if he's giving you the green light, then I'll let you do whatever you want.» he replies to me. I sigh as I have no choice. He's has gone all protective since I,ve had those contractions and he's watching me like a hawk ever since…In addition, I would love if we could make love but Nick has been very careful and doesn't want to hurt the baby so…Oh well, if we wait too long I'll be big as a whale and won't be able to do anything.

«Nick, I feel helpless doing nothing and I am getting fat and ugly and…»Tears are now treathening to fall as the hormones get the best of sits besides me on the bed and takes me into his strong arms.

«My love, you're not helpless or fat and you're the most beautiful pregnant woman I've ever seen…I love watching your belly and knowing you're carrying our baby…I love you.»Nick tells me as he presses his lips against mine.

**Later that day- Bedtime**

I can't help but smile before going before we get ready to go to bed. The doctor said everything was fine and our baby is doing ok…So, no need for more bedrest but I should try to avoid stress. Nick told him he'll make sure of it. In the car, he took my hand in his and simply kissed it…He's so sweet and tender but I need more…I need some of that passion we had before…So, as he comes out of the bathroom I put my arms around his waist and gives him a big kiss on the crook of his neck. He laughs a bit and responds back as he gives a passionate liss on the lips.

«Baby, maybe we could make up for lot times,» he whispers to me as he gently pushes me towards the bed…I could'nt agree more..


	10. Chapter 10

**I won't give up **

**Chapter 10**

**Disclaimer :I own nothing about Law and order SVU.I'm sorry it took so long to update but I canged my mind like a thousand for this chapter. I had an idea where I wanted to go but this sotry seems to have a mind of it's , I don't know if I should continue or start something new from the ideas I got. Some reviews would be much appreciated! I canged the name of the nanny for Rosa- I thought it would be !**

Life has been wonderful for the past eight weeks. Nick and Zara have moved in with us and we are one big happy family…with all the chaos that comes with it! My girls are happy to have «another» sister and they get along…Until, two of them get into a fight and it's WW3…I guess it's like this in any family. My son has a bit of a harder time to adjust and I make sure I spent extra alone time with him. He can't call Nick dad and it's all right…I told him that Danny is always going to be with us and he should not be afraid that anyone would replace him.

I was suppose to take care of Bobby but when I had my pregnancy scare, his mom took him in. I think that secretly she was more than happy to do it but Bobby…not sure! His mom is a great lady but, sometimes, she put her nose where it doesn't belong…Now, she's trying to arrange a date between Bobby and girl who's the daughter of a church friend. Let just say Bobby isn't thrilled and wants nothing to do with it…But, his mom is really persistant and I am convince she'll get her way eventually…I just love to see how it's going to play out!

Nick is working long hours and I miss terribly. Some days, when he arrives home I'm already in bed too tired to wait for him…He always takes me into his arms and rubs my belly. I can see that he's really happy to become a father again. Tonight, it's was only 8 o'clock when I went to bed but I was too exhausted to stay up. I am sleepy but not completly asleep when I think I hear footsteps in the bedroom. As I slowly open my eyes, Nick is by my side and he put his arm around my shoulders and I let my head rest on his abdomen…

«Hey baby, how was your day?»

«Good, hum…what is it Nick?»

«It's ten o'clock. I'm sorry I'm home so late but I've got stuck with Liv. We had to interview a man…»

«It's ok, I know that your job can be demanding…I was just too tired to wait for you.,» I reply.

«Oh baby, I wish I could be here more…I mean, we had our scare two months ago and I don't want you to do too much…I could ask the captain for less hours…».

I turn around and I kiss him on the lips…He tastes so sweet. I love this man so much…I start rubbing his chest.

«Listen Nick, I'm ok really. I know how this works, I've seen Bobby doing the same thing you do…You can't ask that to your captain because others would to work more…We'll be all right. Plus, Rosa helps me with everything.»

Nick takes my hand and kisses it. Then he whispers to my ear :«Chris, I love you so much. I just want to be there when you need me. I don't want to miss a thing, we already lost so much time, » he says with some regret in his voice.

I can't bare to look at him, even in the dark, because I know I'm to blame for the time we lost. Suddenly, I fell his hand caressing my cheek and I feel his breath close to mine. He whispers love words to my ears in Spanish and I find that really sexy and a real turn on. I start rubbing his abdomen with my hand and I can feel Nick shivers under my touch…Then, slowly and tenderly, he presses his lips against mine. His tongue plays with mine for control and neither of us wants to surrender…I love when Nick kisses me with such passion, I feel like the most love woman in the world..Slowly, he presses his body against mine and I can feel he is very much excited…His lenght his against my thigh and I decided to slowly stroke him…He let out small moans and I feel myself become more wet as I realise how much he wants me…And I surely want him too!He let go of my lips to give me kisses on the crook of my neck. Slowly, he goes down to my belly and caresses it with , he enters my center with two fingers and starts rubbing me…My breathing becomes more heavy as he decides to rub one of my nipple at the same time. Gosh, he makes me feel things I never did before…He proceeds to get my panties off and he takes his boxers off too. I give him kisses on his chest and, suddenly, he turns me around. Now, I'm on top of Nick and I can feel he's really excited.

«Gosh, baby, you're so beautiful,» Nick whispers to me as he put me on him. Slowly, I feel him inside of me and we begin to move together, in unison. I have both my hands on his chest and he rubs my nipples. Our breathing becomes heavier at each thrust and I know it won't be long…We both climax at the same time and I collapse besides Nick as I feel in peace and happy.

«Soon, we won't be able to make love, I'm gonna big as big as a whale,» I tell Nick with a little smirk.

«Don't worry Chris, we'll find a way…And you look so beautiful pregnant,» Nick tells me as he looks at me with love and passion in his eyes. I feel so happy and content as I fall asleep in his arms.

When I wake up next morning, Nick is already gone to work. I can still smell his cologne on his pillow and I close my eyes as I think of last night…He was so tender and sweet and made me feel so loved. Still, I can't quite understand how I pushed away when I see how he treats my children and me…I push myself out of bed. I am thirty weeks pregnant and it's starting to be hard some days. I can't wait for our baby to enter this world…I prepare my children for school and I decide to drive all of them my way back, I stop at Bobby's house as he is still on sick leave since he's been shot. I know him and he must be waiting anxiously to go back to work.I ring at the door bell and I hear footsteps.

«Hey, Chris. How are you ?»

«Fine, I could ask you the same thing since you're the one who got shot.»

«Well, it's been a while and I can't wait to go back to work. That doctor won't give me the green light just yet…»

«Stop being a baby. He's just being careful. After all, it was a major injury. I thought I lost you that day» . As I tell Bobby I almost choke at the thought of not having my best friend around. We have been through thick and thin together and I need him to be here, put his arm around my shoulder and confort me.

«C'mon Bella, I'm not going anywhere. You know me, I'm stubborn as hell.» I laugh because I know he's right but I had the scare of my life. Having a cop in your life isn't always easy because you don't know if they'll come back to you after their shift…And yet, I chose to get involved with Nick! Go figure, I must like to torture myself.

«So, how are things between Nick and you?Because if he doesn't treat you right you tell me and I'll smack him.»

«No need Bobby. You know Nick is a good man and what happened was all my fault…I shouldn't have push him away.»

«You sound happy…Like when you were with Danny…It's been so long since I've seen you like this, you deserve it.»

I smile at my friend because I know what he says is true. My parents put me through the ringer when I was younger but when Danny came into my life, everything changed…for the best! Except for Bobby, I never had anyone in my corner who love me no matter what…I don't know where I would be today if I never met him…Then, when I lost him, I thought that I could never be happy like that again and I'm so glad I was wrong. Sure, Nick challenged me in some ways sometimes but the best part was when we make out after a fight…

When Nick comes back from work, he has this dark look. During dinner, he doesn't talk much and only answers when the children ask him a question. I feel like he's miles away from us; something is on his mind and it's bothering him. I wait until the children are in bed to talk to him about sit on the couch with some music playing on the radio. Nick put my legs on him and he starts rubbing my feet.

«Hum…That feels good Nick…Thank you…I can't believe I'm this big, it's like our baby weighs 50 pounds or something».Nick makes a small smile at me.

«Baby, I don't think it's possible for a baby to weigh that much…Let me rub your feet and help you with that pressure.» He continue to do so in silence.

«Nick, you can tell me what's on your mind. You have been so quiet since you got home from work.

Nick stares at me as he hesitates to talk to me…Is it a case? I don't think so because he would not look so guilty. I get the feeling in the pit of my stomach it's more serious than that. It's more personal. I know he was at the courthouse testifying in Bryan's rape case…What the hell happened? The defense lawyer must have grilled him pretty good.

«Hum,Chris,baby, just promise me you'll stay calm…You know stress is not good for you…»

«Ok Nick, you're scaring me. Please tell me what's going on, now or my pressure will go up.»

«Relax , you know I was testifying for the Bryan' case, Olivia's ex. His lawyer questioned me about and old undercover job I did back in the …I don't know, how how to say it…»

My heart is going fast because I know that the next thing that will come out of his mouth won't please me…I see that he seems ashamed…

«I felt for the sister's perp and , well, it turns out I have a nine years old son» he finish to tell me in a whisper.

All the blood goes off my face and I turn white. He continues to tell me how sorry he is, that it was a long time ago and he didn't know. All I can think about is , he has a son with another woman…I knew about Maria and Zara but this one is a slap in the face. I feel like I don't know Nicolas Amaro a tall; he's not the man I thought he was…

«Baby, please, say something. »Nick begs me.

Slowly, I get up and walk upstairs to our bedroom. He follows me and tries to take my hand.

«Don't touch me,» I say coldly before closing our bedroom door in his face. Then, I crawl to the bed and I start to cry…


	11. Chapter 11

I won't give up-

Chapter 11

**Disclaimer : I own nothing about Law and Order SVU. I know it's been a long time since the last update but life keeps me busy these days…with work! In addition, I wrote this chapter a couple a of times as I changed directions…So, let me know what you think as I already started the next chapter. Hopefully, i twill up next week. Enjoy!**

My heart is broken all over again…Why does this relationship has to be so complicated? I want a quiet, peaceful life with the man I love and our children and all I get is this it means it's not in the cards for us to be together. Sure, with Danny we had some rough patches but it wasn't the same…It was because of my parents and once I got out of there everything was easier even if we didn't have money at first. Now, I's almost 29 years old and I aspire to smoother times…The tears have stop falling and Nick has stop trying come into our bedroom. He knows he messed up and he understand that I can't see him right now…I need some time to think about everything. The fact that he has a son he knew nothing about changes a lot of things…It's not the fact that he had a son but that he was undercover and was suppose to do a job and felt for her…Then, he lied to everyone about it by omission and, even if he didn't know she was pregnant, never looked back and tried to find what happened to her. Is he going to bail on my children and I if things gets tough? Can I trust him? I already had the most important man in my life betrayed me, my father, so I have big trust issues and this comes up…I feel my baby is moving and I put my hand on my belly. I've got 6 children to think about, including Zara. Even if I,m badly hurt and have trust issues, our children need stability and they don't have to pay for their parent's mistakes.

I try to sleep a bit since I'm seven months pregnant and I need to 's hard and I wake up frequently as I have nighmare from childhood. One time, I must have scream in my sleep because I hear Nick calling for me on the other side of the door asking if everything is all right... How can he ask me that I tell myself, but I answer that everything is fine and I hear his footsteps as he go away. The next morning is a Saturday and I decide to get up early since I haven't sleep that well. I prepare some pancakes for everyone and some fruit plates.I hear the children waking up and I go upstairs to help the girls. Nick is already in Hannah's room and he's changing her diaper. When our eyes meet, for an instant, I forget what happened last night. Then, sadness comes and I feel my eyes becoming wet. I try to breath and concentrate to not cry.

«Hum, I thought you were still asleep so I came over to take care of Hannah,»Nick tells me with a soft, sad voice. «I can let you do this if you want…»

«No it's ok. She loves it when she sees you in the morning,» I reply to him with a small smile.

For the sake of our children, we must put aside our problems and go as if nothing happened in front of them. I go to see Noemie, Daphné and Zara. They're laughing and having fun. I tell them to hurry up because I made them pancakes…Before I can finish, they're getting ready and about 5 minutes later, running downstairs as Michael is following them. Everyone is sitting around the table and I give each one pancake with syrup, some fruits and a glass of milk.

«This is so good, like mommy used to do with daddy and me,» says Zara.«I love it!»

«That's good sweetheart, » I tell her. I see Nick looking with a sad smile at his daughter. Does he miss Maria? I shake this idea out my head. He assured me time and time again that he doesn't feel that way about her anymore.

«Mommy, can I have another one?»Noemie asks.

«Eat your fruits before,» I respond to her. She makes a face but she starts eating her orange and apple as she knows I won't budge.

Nick is watching and talking with Michael about sport. They seem to discuss basketball but I don't understand what is all about since I don't watch that , the baby gives me a big kick and it hurts a bit, so I can't help it and let out a moan as I put my hand on my belly. In a second, Nick is by my side and seems worried. He has one hand around my waist and he stares intensely at me.

«Baby…Chris, are you ok?».

«Ya, just the baby is pretty active and moves a lot this morning.»

«Maybe you should sit down and eat, I'll clean up he says to me as he pushes me towards a chair.

I don't protest as I feel tired and the baby is getting , even if I'm angry about the situation I love this man with all my heart. I know he's good to me and my children and somehow we have to find a way to make it work…I won't forgive him in a minute but he gave me another chance after I lied to him about Bobby and I and being pregnant so I need to make an effort too…Not everything comes easy in life and we have to support each other in hard times. Otherwise, I'll end up alone because I'm too proud and stubborn. So I put my hand on his and give him a small kiss on the lips.

«Let's finish breakfast and go play outside.»

It's been ten days since I've learned about Nick's son and we managed to get through the days without much tension. But, he hasn't regain access to our bed as I am still angry at him…and a bit jealous I must admit. I have so many questions going through my head. If he have known he was the father of Gil, would we still have met? Would he have choose me or to stay with Cynthia? I don't understand why I feel so threatened by her, but it just is. Maybe, it's the hormones or the fact that I already lost a man that I loved with all my heart…Anyway, on the bright side, my friend Bobby has been by my side through this rough patch. He's been really supportive and he is given Nick the cold shoulder…Wich I must say, amuse me a bit and confort me too. I know I can always count on him when things get rough. I know Nick and the team are working on hard case; a young boy who might be a danger to his family because he may be a psychopath. Nick has a really hard time believing it since he loves children and thinks they can't be this way…I haven't told him that I've seen the worst with some people close to me and it might be a possibility that you're born this way. Maybe he refuses to acknowledge that because of his son Gil and he can't imagine he could be this way. So' I try to support him the best I can and even let him sleep in our bed…I must say I'm happy he comes home to me every night and we sleep next to each other. He takes me into his arms, rubs my belly and talks to our baby at the same time. My heart accelerate everytime Nick holds me in his arms and I realise I can't imagine my life without him so I need to let go of my anger and jealousy towards him and Cynthia or it will ruin what we have.

Today, Nick has been working late on this case and I hope everything is going fine because it seems to consume him a lot in the last few children are playing when the phone rings. I look at the ID and I see Olivia's name. My heart skip a beat cause she usually only calls to talk to Nick…and he's suppose to be at work with her!

«Hello Olivia».

«Hum..Hello , don't panic. But I need to tell you that I'm at the hospital with Nick…».

Now, my legs almost let go and I must sit down. My heart is going fast and I'm scare about what she'll say I don't say anything, she continues.

«He's been shot, but he's fine. His vest got the bullet, he only has some bruising on his abdomen. I just didn't want you to learn it on the news.»

The tears are falling down my cheeks has I realise how close I really came to lose him today…I couldn't survive to lose another man I love; I barely did last time. I regain my composure as Olivia is waiting for me to say something.

«Ok, Olivia. Are you sure he's fine? Because, you know….» I can't continue as I struggle to not cry.

«Listen, Chris. He's fine. He didn't want me to call you because of the stress but I thought it was best for you to know.I hope I didn't make a mistake.»

«It's ok, Liv. Thanks. I'm coming to see Nick.»

«You don't have too…»

«I know, but I need to see him.»

So, Olivia tells me which hospital and reminds me to drive safely. I leave the children with Rosa and I don't tell them what happened because I don't want to scare them.

As I arrive, I hurry up in the building. My heart rate is high as I can't wait to hold Nick in my arms and tell him how much I love him and need I arrive to the cubicule where he is, I see Cynthia and Olivia talking outside. I approach slowly because I don't know what to expect.

Liv turns he head and sees me. She smiles at me but Cynthia doesn't.

«Hey Chris, glad you could make it.» Olivia greets me. I nod in agrement.

«Where is Nick? I need to see him» I reply as Cynthia doesn't say a word to I ask, Nick comes out with Gil and they are both laughing. I raise and eyebrow .. »What is going on here? I wasn't invited to the party I tell myself but Nick called Cynthia and Gil…Nick sees me and his face looks angrily at Olivia.

«What is Chris doing here? You called her when I told you not to!» he shouts.

My eyes becomes glassery and I turn around as I hear Liv and Nick argue about the situation. I walk as fast as I can and make it to an open elevator. I make it outside , get into my car and drive as fast as I can. The only thing I can think about as tears are falling down my cheeks is that Nick wanted Cynthia and Gil there but not me.I should have seen it coming. As I drive, my phone is ringing when I look at the ID, I see Nick's name…If he thinks I'm going to answer him, he has another thing coming. I drive for a while without thinking about where I'm going and before I know it, I find myself at the cemetery where Danny is buried. I get out of the the car and walk over to his grave. I'm not coming here as much as I used to but, today, for some reason, I need to be here. It helps me to feel my late husband presence to be here. I sit on the grass and let all the tears fall.I don't know what I'm going to do, but I can't continue like this with Nick. A decision must be make and I know it's going to break my heart. My phone rings from time to time and it's always Nick…Can he leave me the hell alone? I've got the message pretty loud and clear at the hospital.I can't believe everything changed so quickly. When I was in the hospital because of the contractions, Nick pleaded me to trust him and his love for me…I don't know what to think anymore. All I know is that I have my children to think about and they'll give me the strenght to get through..Or will they? I can't stop crying and skaking as the darkness falls. I don't know how long I have been here, but it must a question of hours.I want to get up, but I just don't have the energy anymore. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up to this nightmare.

Suddenly, I hear someone running and calling my name. I look up and I see Nick coming towards me. He seems pretty worry and I don't understand how he could have found me as I never told him where Danny is must have told him.

He stops dead on his tracks and fall on his knees besides me. Before I can say anything, he takes me into his arms and holds me so thight I almost can't breath. I hear sobs from him and when he let go, I see he's crying like a baby.I don't understand what is going on here. Did I misinterpreted what I heard and saw at the hospital? I thought it was clear he didn't want me there but was I wrong?

«Chris, baby, why did you ran away like this? I'm beside myself. I was looking for you for three hours. I thought something happened to you…» Nick tells with a sob in his looks at me with such sadness and worry that I understand the situation was not what it seemed.

I can't look at him because I feel ashamed I hurt him and worry him.

«I thought you didn't want me at the hospital…That you prefered Cynthia to…»I can't finish as Nick take my face into his hands.

«Baby, I didn't want you there but not because of Cynthia. It's because we had a baby scare and I didn't want you to get in labor again.»Nick tells me in a whisper. Then, he presses his lips on mine and give a sweet tender kiss. My hands goes around his neck and the kiss becomes more heated. He's playing with my lips and his tongue enters in my mouth and I let out a moan. His hands are now going down on my hips and I almost lose any coherent thoughts I , we break apart.

«Chris, I love you, do you understand? I'm crazy head over heals in love with you.I have never felt this way about anyone else. Sometimes, like today, you make me crazy and this is why I love you so much.» Nick tells in a soft tone as he stares intensely at me with his big beautiful brown eyes.I could get lost in it…

«I love you Nick and I know how complicated and hormonal I am, believe me. I shouldn't be jealous, but I am. I am afraid I will lose you…»

He takes my hands and we both stand up.

«Listen to me, you won't lose me. You're the only woman I want and I love our family with all it's chaos. And I love you with all you complications, I wouldn't change you.» He smiles at me with so much love that I can't help and smiles back at him. Suddenly, before I know it, he is down on one knee and he's reaching for his pocket. I am speechless…What the hell is he doing?

«I was planning to do it in a romantic place but today thought me that life can change on a dime. I never knew Danny but I am sure he was a pretty amazing guy if you loved him so I think it's fitting in a way to be here…I hope that wherever he is, he's giving us his blessing and I promise that I will love you like you deserve to be love for the rest of my Chris, will you make me the happiest man of the universe and marry me?»Nick ask me as he get a beautiful ring out.

I am with no voice…Things turned out so not like I thought they were…So much better in fact! In my heart, I know Danny would want me to be happy and Nick makes me so tears of joy goes down my cheek I say «yes» and Nick put the ring around my finger. Then, he stands up and kiss with so much love and passion…I am so happy right now. Whe we are out of breath, Nick presses his forehead against mine.

«Baby, you make me so happy. Let's go home and celebrate our engagement.»


	12. Chapter 12

**I won't give up-**

**Chapter 12**

**Disclaimer : I don't own Law and order SVU but I wish I could have Nick (Danny Pino) for me. It's been really busy at work and I haven't time to post another chapter…I hope you'll like this one. I'll try update more often as the end of the school arrive and I'll be able to work more on my story. SInce I love Danny Pino, I wrote the draft for a Cold Case story…It should be up in the next two weeks. Well, enjoy and review!**

It's been a month since Nick asked me to marry him and I'm still on cloud nine. I've decided to let go of the past and look to the future with Nick and our children. I can't change what happened but I know how much I love him and that I am truly blessed to have him in my life. After Danny, I thought I could never loved another man but Nick changed everything…We told the children the next morming when Nick proposed and they were thrilled; especially Zara who told us she was happy to have two mommies from now.

Nick went to Cynthia's house alone to break the news to her and Gil. Gil's reaction was good considering he's hasn't known us for a long time but Cynthia was cold…My gutt tells me she is still a bit jealous and she was hoping that Nick and her could reunite again…Well, I am sad for her but I won't cry either because I'm happy Nick _chose_ me. Zara told Maria over the phone and she seems genuily happy for us. Even if I don't completly trust her, I think she was honest when she told us she wishes nothing but the best.I think she still feels responsible for the baby scare we had a while back and she knows Nick and her are over for good.

Olivia and the rest of the SVU squad were really happy when we annouced them the news. Congratulations were in order and we went out to celebrate, even though I am at the end of my road and ready to welcome this new new fiance is really taking good care of me as he knows I can't get much sleep these days. My due date is only 3 weeks away and I wish it were 's mother wanted us to get married right away but I put my foot down and said I wanted to wait because I don,t want to look like a whale in my wedding dress…Nick's mom wasn't too happy about it but Nick took my side and said I would get anything I want as long as I am happy…He's such a sweetheart!

The only one who seems concern when we announced that we were engaged was Bobby. It's not like he wasn't happy for me but he knew that we had our ups and downs the last few months and he didn't want me to jump into something too fast. I reassured him and told my friend that I couldn't be happier. He took me into his arms and wished me the best. Then, he took Nick aside and talked to him for a few minutes. I had the sense for Nick's face that he was telling him something like he was better to take good care of me or he would have to answer to my best friend. Later that night, when I asked Nick about it, he just brushed it aside and told me not to worry about it…I'll have a chat later with Bobby about it. Sometimes, he can be so overprotective it's annoying really.

As I go to bed, Nick takes me into his arms and rubs my belly.

«I can't wait to see our baby, Chris..»

«Me too, you have no idea how much I want this little one to get out…». Nick laughs at my remark.

«It won't be long baby, just three weeks.»

«Try to have a baby that moves at any hour of the day and keeps awake…I think he's like you; he can't stay still for one minute.»

«Well, when our baby is here, I'll be able to help you .»Then, he kisses my forehead as he holds me even tighter. My eyes are shutting down as I am really tired and I need to get all the sleep I can get…I hear Nick talking to me but I everything seems so far away as I go into sleep. He whispers softly to me hear : _I love you_ just before everything goes dark.

Something is waking me up. Everything is dark around me and I'm sweating. I hear Nick's breathing besides me and I know he's sleeping peacefully. I don't want to wake him so I I get up and goes downstairs. I make my self a hot chocolate as I know I won't go back to sleep soon. Lately, I have nightmares about the birth of our baby. Everytime, something goes wrong and the baby is in distress…I don't why because I never had any problems in the past. I am just so scare and I don't want to bother Nick with my fears as he has enough on his plate right I am drinking my hot chocolate, I hear his footsteps and there he is standing next to me.

«Sweetheart, are you ok?» Nick asks with concern in his voice.

«Ya, I'm just so tired. It's like our baby weighs a hundred pounds and I can't wait for him or her to come out…» I sigh as I sit down with the cup in my hand.

Nick stares at it and takes it away from me.

«Chris, you know you shouldn't drink chocolate while pregnant…Let me fix you something else.». Nick can be so overprotective sometimes and it's so annoying…I should be able to have a little treat every now and then. But no, Mister is watching me like a hawk and I can't get my way tonight. He should know better than piss off a pregnant woman …

«Fine, _boss,_I'll just go to bed then!» I reply very angry at him and just walk away as fast as I can. In two steps, he's by my side and he turns me around.

«Baby, this is for your health and our baby too…»

«Don't baby me, don't you know how much I crave for chocolate? It's like this is all I can think about!»Nick looks at me with a big smile on his face and comes closer. He put his hands around my waist and gives me a big passionate kiss. As he let go because we are both out of breath, I see the small grin on his face.

«Me amore, I'm sure I can make you think about something else…» he says in a whisper. He takes me by the hand and we walk into our bedroom.I sure admire his perfect abdomen as he turns around. Slowly and gently, he put me on the bed and slip under the covers besides me. He caresses my cheek and he starts kissing the crook of my neck. My hands are going down his body and stops on his butt as I hear him laugh.

«Somebody is in a hurry » Nick tells me before he gently caresses my breasts while he kisses me. Our tongues plays a little and then he goes down and takes one nipple into his mouth. I can't almost breathe and I moan loudly. I put my hands on Nick's back and I hold on tight. His hands are all over me and the things he makes me feel…I swear, I never felt this way before, not even with my late husband. He comes back to kiss my lips and he whispers sweet things in Spanish to me. I find it incredibly sexy and a real turn on. My hands go down and I grap his length through his boxer. I hear him moan in pleassure as I start a up and down movement.

«Chris, baby, this feels so good….Hum…I love you so much…».

I smile as I hear his breathing accelerate and I know he wants more so I get him off his boxers. With one quick thrust, he's in me and this feel so good. We are made for each other…In every way possible. Nick thrusts are slow at first, but I grab is ass and tell him to go faster. He smiles at me and oblige to my order. Our breathings get heavier and I am close.

«Baby, don't hold back…I want to hear you come…» Nick says in a husky voice. As he says that, I climax and I feel Nick's coming soon after. Then, he moves to my side, and put a hand on my belly. He rubs it tenderly and talks to our baby in Spanish.

«Nick, what are you saying? I can't understand a word,» I complain.

«I'm saying to our little one how lucky he is to have a mother like you and how much I love you both.» he says tenderly as he looks at me with his beautiful brown eyes. Then, he gives me s asweet tender kiss on the lips and we fall asleep in each other's arms.

I wake around 6 o'clock in the morning since my back is hurting a bit. I am still in Nick's arms and I can't help watching him sleep peacefully. I just hope our happiness will last as we already been through so much.I get up as it's clear I need to go to the bathroom. As I sit down on the toilet, a sharp pain goes through my belly and I feel a lot of liquid going out…Oh crap! My water just broke! I call Nick as another contraction hit me and I realise it's going fast…After all, it my fifth child so technically, one would think it won't take too long. My man comes running and when he sees me, he realises what is happening.

«Baby, we must go to the hospital…»

«You just figure it by yourself, you must be a genius,» I reply as another contraction hit.

«Nick, the contractions are only two minutes apart, we need to leave NOWWWWWWWW!» I scream and I get dress and is in pain.

Nick goes to talk to Rosa and tell her the baby is coming and we get into the car. He is driving fast and talking to me all the way to the hospital. The contractions are getting closer and closer and I am afraid we won't make it…I sigh in relief as we park outside the emergency door and Nick hurry me inside.

«My fiancee is in labor, the contractions are only one minute apart and…»

«Sir, let me get her into a room now.»

The nurse smiles at us and she gets me into a bed quick. A doctor comes and says that the baby is ready to come and he'll have the deliver him in the room. I look at Nick with panic in my eyes…

«Baby, it's going to be fine. You can do this. Both of you,» he whispers to me as he caresses my forehead. Then, the contractions became more intense and I couldn't speak anymore. The labor was fast but it wasn't a surprise considering it was my fifth child.

When the time came to push, It hurt like hell and I became angry at Nick. He was there, massaging me, talking gently to me and all I could think was that it was his fault I had to endure so much pain.I turned around and screamed to him : «Nick, I swear we are never going to have sex ever again. You won't touch me I swear.»

Nick was taken aback by my outburst but the nurse started laughing.

«Don't worry mister, they all say that. She'll forget it the minute she will her beautiful baby.»

I continue to push and the pain is unbearable. Suddenly, Nick seems excited ad I can feel it's coming to an end.

«Baby, I can see the head..Our baby is here…»

«Ok, Christine, you need to push one more time,»Dr. Suarez tells me. And before I know, I push as hard as I can and my baby finally makes his entry to the world.

Nick is caressing my forehead and he gives me a sweet tender kiss.

«Thank you my love» he simply says and I see tears of joy in his eyes. Suddenly, we hear our little one crying at the top of his lungs. The nurse comes with a smile and place the baby in my arms.

«Congratulations, you have a beautiful little girl,»she says. I smile at Nick.

«Do you want to hold your daughter?» I ask him.

«Yes!». He takes her into his strong arms and starts murmuring to her in Spanish. He looks mesmorise by her and the image of the two of them together is , he comes and sits on the side of my bed and put our little girl. Nick looks at me with such love and tenderness that I could melt right there.

«Chris, I love you so much. You just gave me the most precious gift…» I simply smile as I am tired.

«Baby, did you think about some baby names?» he ask me.

«Maybe, you?» He laughs.

« I thought we were having a boy, so…». I can help and laugh too.

«Well, maybe we could call her Hope?I mean, if you like it»…

«Yes, baby, I love it. It fits about her second name?»

« Maybe, we could give her you mother's name…Rosa.»

I see his eyes becoming wet.

«Are you sure baby?»

«Yes, I'm sure Nick. Your mother has been so good to me and she'll the only grandmother Hope will ever have so…»

Nick kisses on the lips and caresses his daughter.

Later, after I breastfeed Hope and she's back in the nursery, I fall asleep with Nick besides me.I feel at is perfect for the first time in a long time…

**The nursery**

A woman is standing there and she's staring at a new born baby with a smile. A nurse comes to her.

«Mam, visiting hours are over.»

«I'm so sorry. I just came to see my grandaugther.»

«It's ok, you can come back tomorrow.»

«Believe me, I will.» And she gives another look at Hope Rosa Amaro before she leaves.


End file.
